Comedy Quotes & Jokes / page 1119
You might be a redneck if your biggest ambition in life is to "git that big ole coon. The one what hangs 'round over yonder, back'ah Bubba's barn..."
Do you know what writing a book is? It's sitting alone in a room for weeks without making contact with another human. I felt like Howard Hughes.
Here's a thought for sweat shop owners: Air Conditioning. Problem solved.
Easiest job in the world of course, Australian psychiatrist, “Gday Gday how you doing no worries next”.
My wife and I went back to the hotel where we spent our wedding night. Only this time, I stayed in the bathroom and cried.
The only thing that makes me cry at weddings is the DJ’s playlist.
They're always going, don't deal with terrorists. Let's deal with them. What's Allah offering you boys, 100 virgins? We'll give you 50 slags.
I was nauseous and tingly all over. I was either in love or I had smallpox.
Last night the United States dropped four 2,000 pound bombs on Saddam Hussein. I don't know anything about explosives, but, my God, do those things even need to explode?
They say it's lonely at the top. It must be even lonelier at the tippy top.
Hosting the Oscars is much like making love to a woman. It's something I only get to do when Billy Crystal is out of town.