Comedy Quotes & Jokes / page 1117
The only time a politico will try to avoid playing the blame game is when they or theirs are to blame.
The careers teacher told me I had a clear choice: if I didn't end up going to university I'd end up robbing post offices.
If you've ever made change in the offering plate, you might be a redneck.
His view of the world is one that keeps his blood pressure low, sweeping the cholesterol from his relaxed, freeway-sized arteries. Everyone knows he is going to live till age ninety, although the question that goes begging is, "for what?"
When I was five years old I was on a merry go round. There was a gunshot nearby. The horses stampeded. There I was running down the street on a purple wooden horse.
When you need to borrow money the Mob seems like a better deal I think. 'You don't pay me back I break both yer legs.' Is that all? You won't take my house or wreck my credit rating? Fine where do I sign. Legs? Fine. You don't even have to sign anything.
Some people think having large breasts makes a woman stupid. Actually, it's quite the opposite: a woman having large breasts makes men stupid.
A jerk on a motorcycle is equal to a leaf, because I find it beautiful when these things fall.
The United States ranks 14th in the world in education. Even if we subtract Sarah Palin's test scores, it only bumps us to third. Damn you, Finland!
You might be a redneck if you've ever stolen clothes from a scarecrow.