Comedy Quotes & Jokes / page 1120
Every time I fold the baby's clothes I feel like a giant that got a housekeeping job with a nice family.
Here's a thought for sweat shop owners: Air Conditioning. Problem solved.
Last night the United States dropped four 2,000 pound bombs on Saddam Hussein. I don't know anything about explosives, but, my God, do those things even need to explode?
I wish black people had a flag they could put into the ground, like when the troops stormed Iwo Jima.
Next time I spank a girl during sex, I'll say, "this is going to hurt me more than it will you".
I backed horse last week at ten to one. It came in at quarter past four.
I've got mixed feelings about poetry cause done well poetry is fantastic. But not many people are capable of doing it well. I think you should have some kind of license to perform poetry. A poetic license perhaps.
During the Samuel Johnson days they had big men enjoying small talk; today we have small men enjoying big talk.
If I'm alone in the car and I fart, I still laugh at it. It's the little things that keep us civilised...
Just woke up after a nightmare only to reaiize it is far safer asleep than me making breakfast and always paranoid about poisoning myself.
When I have a kid, I want to buy one of those strollers for twins. Then put the kid in and run around, looking frantic. When he gets older, I'd tell him he used to have a brother, but he didn't obey.