Comedy Quotes & Jokes / page 1190
You might be a redneck if momma taught you how to flip a cigarette.
Radio is a bag of mediocrity where little men with carbon minds wallow in sluice of their own making.
Another good thing about being poor is that when you are seventy your children will not have you declared legally insane in order to gain control of your estate.
I'm a downer. I've been depressed my whole life. Figure it out.
That's what's so great about the Internet. It allows pompous blow-hards to connect with other pompous blow-hards in a vast circle-jerk of pomposity.
Now, I'm no doctor, but I am on TV. And in my professional opinion, George Bush is a paranoid schizophrenic.
He has no idea what it was like to grow up in the South, where you had to hold your head down.
Beer must be made by food companies. It makes you wander the streets at 3 am looking for things to eat. "What's that, is it moving, get it!! It's a nun! FRY HER!! FRY HER!"
This book is just a collection of my drawings. I never really showed them to anybody but my wife, and she always laughed at them.
You might be a redneck if your Junior/Senior Prom had a day care.
Of course, I couldn't tell the kids at school I was a transvestite. They's kill me with sticks. "Why are we killing him with sticks?" "I don't know... he said a word we didn't understand... and he won at Scrabble with it..."
Scrabble was invented by Nazis to piss off kids with dyslexia. This is true, they proved this one. The word dyslexia was invented by Nazis to piss off kids with dyslexia.
I'm staying in a lovely hotel, dressing robe behind the door, lovely fluffy sheets - took me a half an hour getting my suitcase closed.