Comedy Quotes & Jokes / page 1191
You might be a redneck if none of your shirts cover your stomach.
You might be a redneck if you consider "Outdoor Life" deep reading.
If you get made fun of working at Pier One Imports, you can’t pelt them with poop.
They took a survey: "Why do men get up in the middle of the night?" Ten percent get up to go to the bathroom and 90 percent get up to go home.
I'm an American so its kind of hard for me to talk about 9/11. So whenever someone brings it up in a conversation, I say "I didn't like 9/11."
C is for cookie, it's good enough for me; oh cookie cookie cookie starts with C.
If you've never had a colonic, imagine getting butt raped by a melting snowman. If you have had a colonic, are you sure it was a colonic?
And yet, people still turn to Jesus. You will notice though that the kind of people who turn to Jesus tend to be the sort of people who haven't done that well with everybody else.
I'm best in bed sexually when I'm alone and especially during a quake.
I went to the store and bought eight apples; the clerk said, "Do you want these in a bag?" I said, "Oh, no, man, I juggle."
If I had a Volkswagon Beetle. I'd paint the front to resemble Glenn Langdon in War Of The Colossal Beast. Why? Two words: "The Ladies."
It isn't necessary to have relatives in Kansas City in order to be unhappy.