Comedy Quotes & Jokes / page 1194
I have a lovely room and bath in the hotel. It's a little inconvenient, they're in two separate buildings!
If you want to see what I'll look like as an old guy, check out any recent photo of me.
The CMT folks, there was a genuine enthusiasm that I've never had in television before on the executive side.
My dad's full of encouragement and support. It just feels like abandonment and neglect.
[On the Catholic Church's sex scandals] And y'know, they're God's representatives, so that means... God fucks little boys.
Nothing in life is fun for the whole family. There are no massage parlors with ice cream and free jewelry.
You might be a redneck if your pocketknife has ever been referred to as Exhibit A.
I was thinking about The Boss, The King. It's sort of sad - the next legend, what are they gonna do? 'Ladies and gentlemen, Veal Cutlet!'
A very painful part of being a parent is having really negative feelings about your children when you love them so much.
Fountains are more romantic when you don't hate the person you're with.
You might be a redneck if your wife keeps a can of Vienna sausage in her purse.
You know, it's really rude to yell at your cock in front of people, and I apologize.
I have some speakers up here, thank God, because last night I didn't have them and I was telling jokes and I had no idea which joke I was telling. So I told jokes twice. I even told that one twice.