Comedy Quotes & Jokes / page 1193

You might be a redneck if the richest member of your family bought a house and you have to help take the wheels off of it.

Knights would have probably liked refrigerator magnets.

I didn’t know angels flew this close to the ground. Maybe that’s because this angels gained a few pounds since we started going out.

You get photographed together when there's 25 people with you and people assume that you're having sex, which is definitely not the case.

One day I'd like to beat you at your own game, but your game is badmitton so that will probably never happen.

You might be a redneck if you've totaled every car you've ever owned.

You might be a redneck if momma taught you how to flip a cigarette.

Sex sells, but doesn't work so well as a strong-arm tactic. "Give me your purse or I'll make out with you so hard".

Now, I'm no doctor, but I am on TV. And in my professional opinion, George Bush is a paranoid schizophrenic.

You might be a redneck if you consider "Outdoor Life" deep reading.

When deciding between two competing theories, always go with the one that doesn't involve a magic spell.

I'm an American so its kind of hard for me to talk about 9/11. So whenever someone brings it up in a conversation, I say "I didn't like 9/11."

Men who don't understand women fall into two groups: Bachelors and Husbands.

Is it a bad sign when the thought of your x-girlfriend makes you say things like, "Satan is a myth... I guess".

Now, I meant to talk about something else earlier on, and I've forgotten what it was. I've remembered what it is again, but I've also forgotten. And that's really what adult life is like most of the time.