Comedy Quotes & Jokes / page 566
The worst time to have a heart attack is during a game of charades.
They waited until I was 20 to tell me I was adopted, and then last Christmas, they told me they were kidding.
I'm convinced that Sanford and Son shows middle-class America a lot of what they need to know.
Christmas is a time for joy, love and peace. And frothing hot vengeance that will never cease. So no matter the volume of fussing you fuss or the wide angry streams of cussing you cuss, your fate is sealed when in mussing you muss with the nastiest of nasties, the Kenge. Well, Ken Titus.
You fucking work 5 days to enjoy 2, I don’t know if you gamble, but them's shit odds.
She had Nick Lachey’s body, a deep voice, very small boobies, and a crew cut. It would have come as no surprise if she had walked into the backyard to compete in a rock-hurling competition after dinner.
Things are so scary and intimidating with AIDS and the right wing that people are looking for somebody to just give them safe harbors.
Here's how hot my wife is: on our first date, she started talking about kids. Christopher Titus: And I still married her.
I've been fortunate to work with good directors who understand improvisation and understand the way comedians work. Luke Basan let me do my thing like do what you feel and take the character to another level. Quentin Tarrantino was more of an acting coach. He can teach you beats and then hell say go with it but give this feeling. So I've been fortunate to work with good, seasoned directors.
Ladies and gentlemen, the lower economic and lower middle economic people are not holding their end in this deal. In the neighborhood that most of us grew up in, parenting is not going on.
The simple fact is, you've got to view this war like we've been on a long family car ride. Bush is the father and he's been screaming 'don't make me come back there!' for around 200 miles now and it just reached the point where we had to pull the car over and the bad kid is going to get the spanking of his life.