Comedy Quotes & Jokes / page 657
I'd go back, yeah. I don't care, I got a kid, man - I'll sell tampons. I mean, there's no selling-out once you get a kid. I got a kid.
I've always run by the hierarchy of "If not funny, interesting. If not interesting, hot. If not hot, bizarre. If not bizarre, break something."
Over the years, there certainly have been plenty of ideas that I've had and given up on, but for this one, the only thing that was standing in its way was me doing it - I just had to write it... And then if it didn't happen, it didn't happen. But I didn't want it to be for lack of effort on my part, so I had hunch that it would be a good story and that we would work well together. And it certainly worked out that way.
This women killer was a testament to my theory that the crazier you are, the more calories you burn. That's why psychos are always so skinny.
If I could get my membership fee back, I'd resign from the human race.
You realize that for all the shenanigans that go on in the big circus of politics, everybody wakes up and goes to work.
Hazel, if I hit you in the mouth, I bet your lips get to the hospital before the amulance.
An L. A. County Superior Court judge issued an order today taking custody of Britney’s two children away from her. K-Fed was surprised when Larry Birkhead swooped in at the last moment and grabbed them for himself.
To be really great, you need to be naturally funny in order to stand out. But you can work at it, and find the best vehicle that you have to communicate what you're saying to people.
I learned compassion from being discriminated against. Everything bad that's ever happened to me has taught me compassion.
I'm not technically rich, but I do have a lot of shit that I don't need, and I refuse to share with others.
If you are wondering if a guinea pig is the right pet for you, find an old shoe, put it in a cage, then teach it how to shit. In love yet?