Comedy Quotes & Jokes / page 657
How did Dr. Drew become the only psychologist who appears on tv. Did he sign an exclusive with CNN?
It sounds like I'm always being facetious. That's why I never get voice over work. 'You sound like you hate the product.'
Historically the mainstream media has never been particularly friendly to any socially progressive ideas.
We need to be prepared to help with their rent and utilities for six months to a year. We don't want them working right now.
Tom Cruise's pre-nup lets him keep his money, the kids and Katie Holmes.
A dry vagina is an impotent vagina… you’re not a complete woman and you should be ashamed of yourself!
I went out with a girl last night. She wasn't a Lana Turner. She was more of a stomach turner.
This women killer was a testament to my theory that the crazier you are, the more calories you burn. That's why psychos are always so skinny.
We are simultaneously the most hated, loved, feared and admired nation on this planet. In short, we are Frank Sinatra. And the Chairman didn't make his bones laying down for punks...
I've never really worked on them. Just once in a while one hits me and makes me laugh. My Al Gore was sort of like a gay Gomer Pyle.
I went into Gus's artificial organ and taco stand. I said "Give me a bladder por favor." The guy said "Is that to go?" I said, "Well what else would I want it for?"