Comedy Quotes & Jokes / page 658
What you find is that most Jewish camps have Indian names, and I think I understand why. First of all, Camp Nagiwa or Camp Apache -- that sounds a lot more fun than Camp Jewy Jew, right? That's just more fun. Also, I think Jews can relate to people who are rounded up and put in places where they didn't want to be.
I'm not afraid of putting myself out there to someone and then them passing on it. At least you could have gotten a 'yes.' So it's worthwhile to have the cojones to do it.
There was an Irish space program to go to the sun. They went at night so they didn't get burnt.
I love having somebody there - that companion thing. You know who you're going to eat with, who you're going to see a movie with.
I was walking down the street and saw a sign on a post. It said: "Lost - $50. If found, just keep it."
The wedding took place in Vermont, where they have legalized gay civil unions, and I married a woman.
Of course, uh, the universe is gradually slowing down and, uh, will eventually collapse inwardly on itself, according to the laws of entropy when all it's thermal and mechanical functions fail, thus rendering all human endeavors ultimately pointless. Just to put the gig in some sort of context.
I'd shake his hand, but I think that's what's holding up his pants.
Alexander the Great, who said on his wedding night, "It’s only a nickname." Never got a dinner!
The only truly anonymous donor is the guy who knocks up your daughter.
I could have been in a sorority. Yes, I could. I could so. But they would not let me in because I already had a personality of my own.
If Wednesday is Hump Day, Thursday should be Panic, Regret, I Can't Find My Left Shoe and Why Does It Burn When I Pee? Day.