Comedy Quotes & Jokes / page 656
I don't respect religon. I don't respect superstitious thinking and that is what religous is.
If I could get my membership fee back, I'd resign from the human race.
Day-to-day life is a lot of work. I work a lot on stand-up stuff, and then day-to-day life and, you know, just living. It's always different. Try to work out, try to stay in shape, and try to have some fun.
The most challenging part of being a dad is trying to postpone the moment when they realize you don't know anything. I love any sentence that begins with "Daddy...?" because it's implied they're looking up to you - that you'll have the answer. The truth is, I don't have any answers.
D'you remember that famous fight, George Formby against Muhammad Ali? Ah, it was brilliant. Dyslexic promoter put it on.
My grandmother is over eighty and still doesn't need glasses. Drinks right out of the bottle.
I think if I were to get as big as I could get, it does change your mind-state. I think like the little man. I think like the underdog. I don't want to change that.
My wife... its difficult to say what she does... she sells seashells on the seashore.
I would always love to be an athlete, but it's got to be a tough day when you have to hang up those cleats.
I think that should be the anti - speeding advert it should be footage of Richard Hammond trying to remember his own wedding day.
Bullfights are hugely popular because you can sit comfortably with a hot dog and possibly watch a man die. It won't be me, but I can sit comfortably and watch it.