Comedy Quotes & Jokes / page 847
Not only do I not know what's going on, I wouldn't know what to do about it if I did.
I used to smoke marijuana. But I'll tell you something: I would only smoke it in the late evening. Oh, occasionally the early evening, but usually the late evening - or the mid-evening. Just the early evening, midevening and late evening. Occasionally, early afternoon, early mid-afternoon, or perhaps the late-midafternoon. Oh, sometimes the early-mid-late-early morning. . . But never at dusk! Never at dusk, I would never do that.
It upset me that, five days after the hurricane hit down in New Orleans, the President's plan was for a day of prayer. I would have thought a truck of food. A day of prayer. Now, maybe I'm mistaken here and, again, I'm not a scientific expert, but isn't a hurricane officially an act of God? Isn't a day of prayer kind of redundant? Hasn't God already made up his mind on that sort of thing? So we do a day of prayer. The President has his stupid day of prayer. Three days later, Hurricane Rita hits. Somebody must have said something... something like, "is that all you got?"
You can't claim you're for peace if you're not willing to disturb it.
Actually, my cd was released in 1985, in return for two German missionaries and a Dutch urologist.
Everyone knows that Jews control the media and banks and stuff. But did you know that when you go to a carnival and you have to be a certain height to go on a ride, Jews control that height? It has nothing to do with safety. It’s just us flexing our Semitic muscles.
There should be some kind of dedication of a portion of the funds to Town Center.
Bill Cosby was the first comedian I was exposed to, because he doesn't curse.
I believe that if you want to wear a thong, you should have to go through an application process.
My grandmother started walking five miles a day when she was sixty. She's ninety-seven now, and we don't know where the hell she is.