Comedy Quotes & Jokes / page 846
All marionettes are trying to say with this movie, is that if you don't see it, the sock puppets have won.
A pair of ruby red slippers worn by Judy Garland in The Wizard of Oz have been stolen. The thief is described as being armed and fabulous.
Because of acid, I now know that butter is way better than margarine.
The real reason your pro tells you to keep your head down is so you can't see him laughing at you.
ACORN is organizing to make sure the job of rebuilding New Orleans is done by the people of New Orleans and truly benefits the communities who have been hurt the most.
Iraq now says that it will, after all, destroy its missiles. President Bush said, "Please, I used to pull the same trick. There'd be an intervention, I'd make a big show of pouring out the liquor and then there was a case under the floorboards."
I saw something stupid in the paper today - a new alarm clock that makes no noise. It's for people who don't like loud noises. Instead, it slowly hits you with light and gets brighter and brighter until you wake up. I already have one of those... it's called a window.
I actually wrote a speech. Normally I do bullet points and run-on sentences.
I think God's going to come down and pull civilization over for speeding.
Moses, who said to the children of Israel, "Wear your galoshes; I never did this trick before." Never got a dinner!
Dating is great unless you don't like horrible awkwardness, lying, and a deep foreboding sense of disappointment that never goes away.
I was raised in the Jewish tradition, taught never to marry a Gentile woman, shave on a Saturday night and, most especially, never to shave a Gentile woman on a Saturday night.