Comedy Quotes & Jokes / page 890
Dear semi hot girl taking photos on a boat. It's not your boat so stop acting like you own it. You drive a used Civic.
To combat social awkwardness, I would just act like I couldn't be bothered - that kind of aloof persona or aloof demeanor. It's so off-putting.
The Apple Store in New York is like a big white glistening cathedral of twats. Before you even have your foot in the door, there is some wanktard in your face with a fringe. ‘Hey buddy, my name’s Drew. What brings you to the Apple Store today, hombre?’ I’m here to buy a phone, not make a friend, piss off!
My father thrives on fear. You know that prayer "If I should die before I wake"? I had sheets that said that!
Congratulations your 18!...On a list of 20 people i'm going to kill.
If you see a black woman with an overweight white man, you know she got effed up credit!
Gary Hart, who said, "She didn't sit on my yacht; she sat on my dinghy!" Never got a dinner!
Yeah? Rock 'n' Roll is fast, you know. If all goes according to plan I could be in rehab next thursday. Tuesday week I'll be living on an island with a small Indian boy.
If lawyers are disbarred and clergymen defrocked, doesn't it follow that electricians can be delighted, musicians denoted?
Anybody who French bashes just might as well wear a badge that says 'I am a follower! I don't think for myself and I have no idea what I'm talking about.' That would be a French basher.