Quotes and Jokes by Earthquake

Nathaniel Stroman, best known as "Earthquake", is an American actor, voice artist, and comedian. He also hosted a daily radio show on afternoon drive for WBLS. Earthquake performed a half-hour HBO special as part of the series One Night Stand, which first aired on August 26, 2005.

Top 15 Quotes (out of 26)


My brother got fired for coming late at a night job. How you oversleep 8:30?


I don't know who you niggas are talking about "let's go back to Africa." But after seeing Hotel Rwanda and Blood Diamond, you can sell my ticket! I'm staying right here. I'll take my chances with the Klan. I can outrun a fat redneck, but I can't outrun no Tutu.


Don't want to go down to Alabama. It's hot down there - slave heat. It was like 98 degrees at three in the morning. I was like, Alabama must got their own sun. I was hiding from the sun like it was the police.


I love black women: burnt black, slave black. I love my woman so black, I just like her to lay in the bed, look like a hole in the sheets.


Ain't no black people don't fuck with no bombs. We don't fit that profile. 'Cause you've got to be on time with a bomb.


You don't want to go down to Alabama. It's primitive. Don't take your phone down there - ain't no AT&T, ain't no Sprint. They call each other the old fashioned way: they use pigeons.


White people talking about how Abraham Lincoln freed the slaves. No he didn't; polyester did. They stopped wearing cotton; they had to let us go.


Used to go to church, but church is getting too expensive. Cover charge is a bitch. I went one Sunday; they was passing around eight, nine plates. I just pulled my own plate, started passing that around.


Some people say that Jesus was black. I don't know if that's true or not, but that would explain why it's taking him so long to come back.


At least drug dealers have some integrity. There is no integrity when it comes to entertainment.


You give a white kid some napkins and duck sauce, they'll make a bomb.


I don't know what to tell a brother without no future. What do you tell him? What do you say on the phone? Keep your head up and your ass down.


I have to be legitimate in my lyrics to be genuine. If I constantly made up stuff, soon enough I would run out a fuel because there is but so much jokes you can come up with. You have to use real experiences so people can relate.


I was going to get me a white woman, but O.J. messed it up for everybody. He set interracial dating back a thousand years.


Best job I ever had was working in the cleaners. That was a good job. I cried like a bitch when they fired me. They fired me for wearing other people's clothes.