Quotes & Jokes by Earthquake


I don't know who you niggas are talking about "let's go back to Africa." But after seeing Hotel Rwanda and Blood Diamond, you can sell my ticket! I'm staying right here. I'll take my chances with the Klan. I can outrun a fat redneck, but I can't outrun no Tutu.

My brother got fired for coming late at a night job. How you oversleep 8:30?

White people don't forget shit. 'Cause the next brother Johnny Cochran would have represented would have got all O.J.'s time. "Double life? For speeding? You bullshittin'!"

I have to be legitimate in my lyrics to be genuine. If I constantly made up stuff, soon enough I would run out a fuel because there is but so much jokes you can come up with. You have to use real experiences so people can relate.

At least drug dealers have some integrity. There is no integrity when it comes to entertainment.

I don't know what to tell a brother without no future. What do you tell him? What do you say on the phone? Keep your head up and your ass down.

I've been to jail, but I do little stuff for little time. I go to jail for stuff like eating in the supermarket. Don't laugh - all of us do this stuff. I'm the only brother who got caught.

Best job I ever had was working in the cleaners. That was a good job. I cried like a bitch when they fired me. They fired me for wearing other people's clothes.

Marriage is like having cable with just one channel: same thing come on everyday. You see other things come on, but you can't watch it.

I got a boy that was married, been married for six years - videotaped his wedding day, never watched it. Six years later, now he watches it every day, but he watches it in reverse. I asked him. He said, 'I love seeing myself take that ring back off her fuckin' finger.'

I know who wasn't black - I don't care what nobody say - Noah was not black. Noah and his family couldn't have been black 'cause there's no way no black family was on no boat for 40 days and 40 nights and didn't eat them two chickens.

Some people say that Jesus was black. I don't know if that's true or not, but that would explain why it's taking him so long to come back.

I love black women: burnt black, slave black. I love my woman so black, I just like her to lay in the bed, look like a hole in the sheets.

I'll get God his money when I see him. And if he asked me why I was holding onto it, I say, 'Well, there's a lot of false prophets on Earth. I didn't know who to give your money to, and I didn't want to give it to the wrong person and still owe you when I got up here. Ain't no sense in paying if I didn't make the list, 'cause I'm gonna need that money for cold water and an air conditioner.'

Used to go to church, but church is getting too expensive. Cover charge is a bitch. I went one Sunday; they was passing around eight, nine plates. I just pulled my own plate, started passing that around.