Quotes & Jokes by Earthquake

26 quotes

White people don't forget shit. 'Cause the next brother Johnny Cochran would have represented would have got all O.J.'s time. "Double life? For speeding? You bullshittin'!"

I've been to jail, but I do little stuff for little time. I go to jail for stuff like eating in the supermarket. Don't laugh - all of us do this stuff. I'm the only brother who got caught.

You give a white kid some napkins and duck sauce, they'll make a bomb.

My brother got fired for coming late at a night job. How you oversleep 8:30?

I know how to get sisters. I got 30 years practicing that. All you got to do is go to the club and say, 'I got that rent money.'

Don't want to go down to Alabama. It's hot down there - slave heat. It was like 98 degrees at three in the morning. I was like, Alabama must got their own sun. I was hiding from the sun like it was the police.

White people talking about how Abraham Lincoln freed the slaves. No he didn't; polyester did. They stopped wearing cotton; they had to let us go.

I love black women: burnt black, slave black. I love my woman so black, I just like her to lay in the bed, look like a hole in the sheets.

I don't know who you niggas are talking about "let's go back to Africa." But after seeing Hotel Rwanda and Blood Diamond, you can sell my ticket! I'm staying right here. I'll take my chances with the Klan. I can outrun a fat redneck, but I can't outrun no Tutu.

Marriage is like having cable with just one channel: same thing come on everyday. You see other things come on, but you can't watch it.

I have to be legitimate in my lyrics to be genuine. If I constantly made up stuff, soon enough I would run out a fuel because there is but so much jokes you can come up with. You have to use real experiences so people can relate.

I don't know what to tell a brother without no future. What do you tell him? What do you say on the phone? Keep your head up and your ass down.

I bought a house. I spent $300,000 for it. Now it’s only worth $100,000. But I owe $500,000. I done refinance my house so many times, I don’t even own the gate.

I'll get God his money when I see him. And if he asked me why I was holding onto it, I say, 'Well, there's a lot of false prophets on Earth. I didn't know who to give your money to, and I didn't want to give it to the wrong person and still owe you when I got up here. Ain't no sense in paying if I didn't make the list, 'cause I'm gonna need that money for cold water and an air conditioner.'

Used to go to church, but church is getting too expensive. Cover charge is a bitch. I went one Sunday; they was passing around eight, nine plates. I just pulled my own plate, started passing that around.