Quotes & Jokes by Ray Romano / page 4

I've always wondered, what am I going to do that's important with these stupid jokes that I tell.

The only thing I miss from the sitcom format is that immediate gratification of when you're, if we're talking about comedy, of the live audience.

In school, I wasn't a very good student - I was very irresponsible and never did the studying but always liked to get the laugh.

Right after 'Raymond' I had a world-is-my-oyster attitude, but I found out I don't like oysters. I had this existential emptiness. 'What is my purpose? Who am I?' I had a big identity crisis.

Whenever I walk off the golf course, I thank God that I'm able to tell a joke. I thank God I'm good at something.

I would do a nude scene, sure, if they ever made the movie "Flat Ass Comes to Town!"

I would get my student loans, get money, register and never really go. It was a system I thought would somehow pan out.

It's starting to feel good, although I don't like feeling too good - that's not where my comedy comes from.

I came from an Italian house. The refrigerator was always full. I never knew you had to buy food. I thought there were food fairies that came at night.

Mike Royce and I have always had success writing what we know. What we know now is that we're middle-aged, neurotic and fat.

I just don't want to play the same guy again over and over.

Would I go to see a pediatrist or a proctologist to remove a foot from my ass?

I still feel like an immature idiot inside, but I look in the mirror and - as a friend of mine once said- this old guy keeps getting in the way.

The first time I played golf was in Flushing Meadows, Queens, when I was about 16 or 17. They had an 18-hole pitch-and-putt. My buddies and I would hop the fence and sneak on and play.

If golf wasn't enjoyable and there wasn't a lot of humor and enjoyment, even though the game is so frustrating, you would wonder why you put yourself through it.