Quotes & Jokes by Richard Pryor / page 2


I was brought up in a whorehouse in Peoria. My mother and father lived there and worked there.

Comedy rules! Don't let anybody tell you otherwise, and there are no rules in stand-up comedy, which I really like. You can do anything you want and you can say anything that comes to mind, just so long as it's funny. If you ain't funny then get the fuck off the stage, it`s that simple.

There are only two pieces of pussy you're gonna get in your entire life, that's your first and your last.

You gotta be cool when you're macho man, cuz you can't be sensitive and care about someone having a good time in bed, cuz that's too scary... When you don't use sensitivity when you're having sex, or share some of your soul, nothing gonna happen, because men really get afraid. Men really get scared in bed.

White people go; Why you guys hold your things? Cause you done took every thing else, motherfucker!

It's easy to love somebody. Shit, sit with them a little bit and talk to them a while.

I had a breakup. I decided that I wasn't going to do the sort of routines I was doing anymore. So I went to work, trying to develop the thing I do now.

I couldn't stop drinking until the bartender said, "We got no more fucking liquor! Now take your ass home, pal."

The reason people use a crucifix against vampires is that vampires are allergic to bullshit.

What I'm saying might be profane, but it's also profound.

How do you 'accidentally' shoot a nigga in the chest six times? 'Well, my gun fell and just went crazy!'

When you ain't got no money, you gotta get an attitude.

Hawaii is the best form of comfort for me. When I die, I want to be cremated, and I want half my ashes spread in the Pacific around the island, the rest on the property.

Freebase? What's free about it?

What I am for is justice for everyone, just like it says in the Constitution.