Quotes and Jokes by Richard Pryor

Richard Franklin Lennox Thomas Pryor was an American stand-up comedian, actor, and writer. He reached a broad audience with his trenchant observations and storytelling style, and is widely regarded as one of the greatest and most influential stand-up comedians of all time.

Top 15 Most Popular Quotes (out of 111)

#1

Bitch was so fine I'd suck her daddy's dick.

2,621
#2

I went to the White House, met the president... We in trouble. (on Reagan)

1,017
#3

My father died fucking. He did. My father was 57 when he died. The woman was 18. My father came and went at the same time.

327
#4

When I hear 'yee-haw!', that scare the shit outta me. Cuz I know what come next. Y'all remember? Y'all's ancestors used to hang us for kicks? ..Muthafuckin on the weekend, hot, couldn't get no pussy? 'Let's go down to the jail, get a couple of them black ones and just string 'em up. ..yeehaww..' ..When I hear that, shit crawl all up and down my neck.

201
#5

Who you gonna believe, bitch? Me? or your lying eyes?

170
#6

Let me tell you what really happened. Usually when I go to bed, I have milk and cookies. And One night I had some low-fat milk and some pasteurized, And I mixed them together. And I dipped my cookie and the shit blew up.

158
#7

You don't get to be old bein' no fool...

112
#8

I went to Zimbabwe. I know how white people feel in America now; relaxed! Cause when I heard the police car I knew they weren't coming after me!

107
#9

I'm not addicted to coke, i just love the way it smells!

75
#10

How's my mama? How's your mama? I will slap you in the mouth with my dick.

75
#11

I was brought up in a whorehouse in Peoria. My mother and father lived there and worked there.

67
#12

There are only two pieces of pussy you're gonna get in your entire life, that's your first and your last.

65
#13

When I was on vacation in Africa, I went out in the country. Where you see some lions and shit. I'm talking about real lions, not them kind you be fucking with in the zoo. Hey, lion, motherfucker.

61
#14

When that fire hit your ass, it will sober your ass up quick! I saw something, I went, "Well, that's a pretty blue. You know what? That looks like... FIRE! Fire is inspirational. They should use it in the Olympics, because I ran the 100 in 4.3.

59
#15

The reason people use a crucifix against vampires is that vampires are allergic to bullshit.

48