Quotes & Jokes by Richard Pryor


Bitch was so fine I'd suck her daddy's dick.

I went to the White House, met the president... We in trouble. (on Reagan)

My father died fucking. He did. My father was 57 when he died. The woman was 18. My father came and went at the same time.

Let me tell you what really happened. Usually when I go to bed, I have milk and cookies. And One night I had some low-fat milk and some pasteurized, And I mixed them together. And I dipped my cookie and the shit blew up.

I'm not addicted to coke, i just love the way it smells!

You don't get to be old bein' no fool...

It seemed fair to kill my car to me, right, ‘cause my wife was going to leave my ass. I say, “Not in this motherfucker you ain’t. Uh-uh. If you leave me you be drivin’ them Hush Puppies you got on. ‘Cause I’m goin’ kill this motherfucker here.”

Who you gonna believe, bitch? Me? or your lying eyes?

I'm not addicted to cocaine... I just like the way it smells.

When I hear 'yee-haw!', that scare the shit outta me. Cuz I know what come next. Y'all remember? Y'all's ancestors used to hang us for kicks? ..Muthafuckin on the weekend, hot, couldn't get no pussy? 'Let's go down to the jail, get a couple of them black ones and just string 'em up. ..yeehaww..' ..When I hear that, shit crawl all up and down my neck.

How's my mama? How's your mama? I will slap you in the mouth with my dick.

I went to Zimbabwe. I know how white people feel in America now; relaxed! Cause when I heard the police car I knew they weren't coming after me!

When I was on vacation in Africa, I went out in the country. Where you see some lions and shit. I'm talking about real lions, not them kind you be fucking with in the zoo. Hey, lion, motherfucker.

I was brought up in a whorehouse in Peoria. My mother and father lived there and worked there.

I woke up in an ambulance. And it wasn’t nothing but white people staring at me. I said, “Ain’t this a bitch. I done died and wound up in the wrong muthafucking heaven.”