Quotes & Jokes about Decisions

59 quotes

If you were to second guess your decision to book time at a native american community, that would be a reservation reservation reservation.

I've about decided if it wasn't for the sex, I could be gay. Hell, then you're just hangin' out with your buddies.

In my house I'm the boss, my wife is just the decision maker.

If you must choose between two evils, pick the one you've never tried before.

I always look for a woman who has a tattoo. I see a woman with a tattoo, and I'm thinking, OK, here's a gal who's capable of making a decision she'll regret in the future.

Maybe we should always show pictures. Bin Laden, pictures of our wounded service people, pictures of maimed innocent civilians. We can only make decisions about war if we see what war actually is - and not as a video game where bodies quickly disappear leaving behind a shiny gold coin.

So if you're black or brown, you can make money in America, you can get rich in America … but whatever you decide to do, it better be positive, 'cause if one person is harmed, you will be destroyed. You see Oprah, she just be giving away money. She's doing that to keep the Feds off her back.

It was a decision to work clean. I just prefer to work that way. I have no problem with comedians who don't work that way. There was a temptation in the early '70s to reconsider. I decided against it.

I had a breakup. I decided that I wasn't going to do the sort of routines I was doing anymore. So I went to work, trying to develop the thing I do now.

Have you ever had a gay friend lose weight and you can't decide if it's good news or not? "Hey you look... great?"

Not eating meat is a decision, eating meat is an instinct.

Obviously the audience has veto power signified by whether they laugh or not, but you-not them-retain the ultimate power to decide what they’re going to get the opportunity to laugh at.

Once they make their commitment, they have to stay with that commitment, ... They have to live with that decision.

The thing I don't understand about homosexuals is, how do they decide which one is the one who's supposed to pretend they don't want it?

Quick decision makers are often stuck behind annoying people in line at Starbucks.