Comedy Quotes & Jokes / page 1022
A sense of humor is good for you. Have you ever heard of a laughing hyena with heart burn?
She said she was approaching forty, and I couldn't help wondering from what direction.
You 50 year old one-breasted bag of meat. Just hang it up and be grateful some of your friends are still living.
Whenever I've encountered a Christian saying, 'Why don't you stop talking like that so I can hear you?' I think, 'Well you're the one putting the earmuffs on, but I wish you could hear me because I like you.'
I was in the supermarket the other day, and I met a lady in the aisle where they keep the generic brands. Her name was 'woman.'
There will be select instances where the consumer is interested in paying for premium content. I think it will be difficult to get people to pay for something on the Internet that they can find elsewhere on the Internet for free.
I have no ability to develop muscle tone. I could do situps all day and still look like a condom full of walnuts.
The lord works in mysterious ways. Indeed. And a shorter way to say that is: God is a sneak.
I can do more than just stand-up comedy, and the only way I'll be able to show that is if I do it myself. Because nobody trusts that I can do it.
Christina Aguilera finally announced her pregnancy. Thanks for waiting until your third trimester to get the word out - why not just wait until you’re crowning?
Resentments are a waste of time. One day I'll stop resenting myself.