Comedy Quotes & Jokes / page 1077
A big girl once came up to me after a show and said "I think you're fatist." I said "No, no. I think you're fattest."
I’ve always had a special place in my heart for old women digging through garbage bins. They saved my life so many times as a baby.
During sex, my girlfriend always wants to talk to me. Just the other night she called me from a hotel.
You might be a redneck if the rear tires on your car are at least twice as wide as the front ones.
It turns out that speeding irresponsibly in a large truck, placing personal wealth ahead of the welfare of others, is one of the greatest sins in the Universe...
Sorry, Americans only buy things that come from suffering. They just enjoy it more when they know someones getting hurt.
The key to staying together is making sure you guys like each other and need each other.
I love devastating movies, documentaries and hummingbirds (yes, in that order).
I got my wife a mood ring. It works real good! When she is in a good mood it turns blue, but when she is in a bad mood there is a red mark across my forehead.
You have to learn the crowd. I just pay attention to them so I can make sure I can make them laugh.
Amtrak announced this week that they plan to install cable TV into their sleeper births. Great. So now you can watch your derailment live on CNN.