Comedy Quotes & Jokes / page 1078
If the guy in front of you at the polls has arm swords, you might want to considering filling out an absentee ballot.
When years from now people look back on today, they will think the same thing they already do but with more reasons for it.
A lot of times when a package says Open Other End, I purposely open the end where it says that.
I live in Los Angeles, I know it exists. I know you're not supposed to taste air.
Experts say that if we go to war with Iraq, oil could reach as much as $80 a barrel. Of course, after the war it will be free.
When you write from your gut and let the stuff stay flawed and don't let anybody tell you to make it better, it can end up looking like nothing else.
The hardness of the butter is proportional to the softness of the bread.
I've had six or eight hookers in my life. I never woke up the next day thinking "man I'm glad I got a hooker last night."
So, I play in a band. It's a really underground band. Super underground. Very underground. Like, we don't even actually play.
People tell you to have a safe trip, as if you have some control over it.
Very few positive experiences begin with being told to count back slowly from ten.