Comedy Quotes & Jokes / page 1078
The catholic church has a lot more money than any Colombian cartel and they leave a lot more bodies in their wake.
I never cheated on my wife. I took seriously those vows of celibacy.
Getting rewarded for being pregnant when you’re a teenager? Are you serious? I mean, that makes me want to kill somebody.
Most of the time people feel okay. Probably it’s because at the moment they’re not actually dying.
If the gas pedal on your car is shaped like a bare foot, you might be a redneck.
The hardness of the butter is proportional to the softness of the bread.
A musical is the same as a burlap sack, I would not want to be in either.
If you want to dry hump someone you don’t know, just act like they were choking.
A conscience is what hurts when all your other parts feel so good.
A blonde, German woman with spiky hair...walked up to the plane and said 'There are busses outside that you will be loaded on to. You will be told what will happen to you when you reach your destination.' And all I could think in my head, was, 'I am not getting on those fucking buses. No, no, I have seen too many Oscar-winning movies. I know how this story ends. I know what you do to people who look like me. If I'm getting on any bus, it's with the blond family over there.'
Do you think Americans deserve healthcare? Have you looked at this horrible fat fuck country?