Comedy Quotes & Jokes / page 1078
Ever notice how irons have a setting for permanent press? I don't get it.
From the makers of Alien vs. Predator: Alien vs. Pingu. K9 – stop humping the toaster!
I'm reading a book, because I'm brainy. No, it is a book - if you don't know, it is like a blog except bigger.
One morning I shot an elephant in my pajamas. How he got into my pajamas I'll never know.
She was so ugly that when I bent down to pet her cat it turned out to be the hair on her legs.
You know, it's probably best for Limbaugh because he would have been a minority owner. And once he became a minority, he would have to become a liberal and then he would have hated himself.
I lost my virginity under a bridge. I was having sex with this poor girl and I was trying my best, but I was like Scotland at a World Cup – just pleased to be there.
My mother could make anybody feel guilty - she used to get letters of apology from people she didn't even know.
Why do people do things that they fear? It may be that the fear contains information. Something can be interesting if you get to the other side of that fear.