Comedy Quotes & Jokes / page 1078

You might be a redneck if you think a hot tub is a stolen bathroom fixture.

I'm going to go to Kennebunkport and see if they respond any quicker!

You might be a redneck if you have used a bar stool as a walker.

Live TV has an amazing pace to it. You've got to be able to think quick, make changes last minute, and be funny and fast.

I went out with this girl the other night, she wore this real slinky number...She looked great going down the stairs.

We Californians are constantly accused of not having seasons, but we do. We have fire, flood, mud, and drought.

Nobody sees people as people. It's all how they relate to my little group.

This is not a dress. This is a sacred robe of the ancient psychedelic monks.

Every joke has its origin - the punching people in the face joke. It hurts like hell to get punched in the face.

Fire truck with back end on fire drives really fast in circles.

I visit Fox News every now and again, and it’s nice, because the Eye of Mordor is above the building.

How can there not already be a rapper named 'O'pinion'?

I think part of me always knew. Wanna know which part? My penis.

Kindness isn't just a virtue, its a necessity.

You have to be aware of who you're talking to in an audience.