Comedy Quotes & Jokes / page 1078
My luck is getting worse and worse. Last night, for instance, I was mugged by a quaker.
The Secret Service has announced it is doubling its protection for John Kerry You can understand why - with two positions on every issue, he has twice as many people mad at him.
If your body is 90% water what have you got to drink water all the time for? Why can't you just have some crisps?
I like the tradition of the Oscars. I like that some of the greatest comedians ever have hosted the show.
I think animal crackers make people think that all animals taste the same.
She doesn't understand the concept of Roman numerals. She thought we just fought in world war eleven.
You might be a redneck if your Momma would rather go the racetrack than the Kennedy Center.
She was so fat that when guys have sex with her they ask for directions.
One thing you never hear is "Man that guy is good at badminton."
The other guys are selling certainty. Not me. I'm on the corner with doubt.
I lost my virginity under a bridge. I was having sex with this poor girl and I was trying my best, but I was like Scotland at a World Cup – just pleased to be there.