Comedy Quotes & Jokes / page 1078

Making a good music video isn’t easy. If it were, MTV would still be showing them instead of ‘16 and Pregnant,’ which I assume is shot exclusively in Utah.

We're not laughing at you - we're laughing near you.

Fire truck with back end on fire drives really fast in circles.

Why do we wait until a pig is dead to "cure" it?

Let's all start wearing bolo ties, and when they become hip again, we'll all say we were kidding.

If you have a complete set of salad bowls and they all say Kool Whip on the side, you might be a redneck.

Kindness isn't just a virtue, its a necessity.

I've always got stuff in my head in case I meet somebody like Steven Spielberg or someone like that, where I can hopefully say something to them that nobody else has ever said and get a laugh out of them.

I think a lot of the time you just parody yourself.

Seems the first person to call someone a whore is usually another whore.

You know I could go for a sandwich, but uh, I'm not gonna open two jars. I can't be opening and closing all kinds of jars. And who knows how many knives!

You might be a redneck if you have refused to watch the Academy Awards since "Smokey and the Bandit" was snubbed for best picture.

If you feel ill at ease in your own skin get it taliored.

You can write a great country record and still be angry. Who's angrier than Toby Keith? He's angrier than the average 10 rappers.

I live in Los Angeles, I know it exists. I know you're not supposed to taste air.