Comedy Quotes & Jokes / page 1078
Getting rewarded for being pregnant when you’re a teenager? Are you serious? I mean, that makes me want to kill somebody.
You might be a redneck if you have been fired from a construction job because of your appearance.
So, I play in a band. It's a really underground band. Super underground. Very underground. Like, we don't even actually play.
Most people that commit to a life of celibacy weren't leaving that much on the table in the first place.
You might be a redneck if three quarters of the clothes you own have logos on them.
The Secret Service has announced it is doubling its protection for John Kerry You can understand why - with two positions on every issue, he has twice as many people mad at him.
When you visualize the recent past, do you see it as being somewhere over on the left?
Right now someone out there is struggling and starting to panic because they can't get out of a tempurpedic bed.
I spend a lot of time idly. I go to sporting events, play my clarinet. I practise. But if you work every day, a certain amount on a steady basis, the work accumulates.
If everyone in the world sat quietly at the same time, closed their eyes and concentrated as hard as they could on peace and goodwill, all the killing and cruelty in the world would continue. And probably increase.
My dad was like a stage mother he always pushed me to do what I wanted.
To me, the media in New York and LA have always missed the essence of this country.