Comedy Quotes & Jokes / page 1078
I live in Los Angeles, I know it exists. I know you're not supposed to taste air.
The catholic church has a lot more money than any Colombian cartel and they leave a lot more bodies in their wake.
Experts say that if we go to war with Iraq, oil could reach as much as $80 a barrel. Of course, after the war it will be free.
The hardness of the butter is proportional to the softness of the bread.
People tell you to have a safe trip, as if you have some control over it.
Very few positive experiences begin with being told to count back slowly from ten.
I thought, Hey, maybe these people shouldn’t be making up holidays to drink more. Maybe if they drank less they might be able to title their newspaper articles more specifically. For example, I would title this last article “Drunk Driver Hits Drunk Walker Drunkety-Drunk I’m So Drunk.
There are a hell of a lot of jobs that are scarier than live comedy. Like standing in the operating room when a guy's heart stops, and you're the one who has to fix it!
There's more than one mosque in the world that used to be a church and before that was a temple. Because it's a lot easier to just change the sign on the top and say "under new management" than it is to change the whole building.
I'm going to go to Kennebunkport and see if they respond any quicker!
If you are wearing a bandana you better have something wise to say, because you are starting with a credibility deficit.
I went out with this girl the other night, she wore this real slinky number...She looked great going down the stairs.