Comedy Quotes & Jokes / page 1078

Kindness isn't just a virtue, its a necessity.

Suicide is a terrible idea, but if you're going to end it, do so at a Pinkberry near you.

But there was something really serendipitous that was happening, with some kind of energy that things would ultimately just work out, sometimes better than when you plan.

We go out of our way to make people so different,... to punish them because of color, because of sex, because of size, and the game starts.

There is no "I" in "Team", unless you count the vertical part of the "T".

I think a lot of the time you just parody yourself.

I am an observer, I like to watch people. I am into psychology and people - how they act and such.

You have to be aware of who you're talking to in an audience.

We all know smoking is bad. I know I'm going to quit someday, if I thought I wasn't I'd quit now.

You know I could go for a sandwich, but uh, I'm not gonna open two jars. I can't be opening and closing all kinds of jars. And who knows how many knives!

If the guy in front of you at the polls has arm swords, you might want to considering filling out an absentee ballot.

If you feel ill at ease in your own skin get it taliored.

When years from now people look back on today, they will think the same thing they already do but with more reasons for it.

A lot of times when a package says Open Other End, I purposely open the end where it says that.

I live in Los Angeles, I know it exists. I know you're not supposed to taste air.