Comedy Quotes & Jokes / page 1078
[Cosby] thought that was my whole act. Like I just walked out on-stage and cursed and left. I manage to stick in some jokes between the curses. You couldn’t give no curse show. Walk out, say, “Hey, Felt Forum, motherfucker, dick, pussy, snot and shit. Good night. Good night. Suck my dick. Bye-bye.”
The world would be better off with multiple superpowers. When Communist USSR was a superpower, the world was better off.
I'm going to go to Kennebunkport and see if they respond any quicker!
My mother could make anybody feel guilty - she used to get letters of apology from people she didn't even know.
I'm very much about letting other people shine, because it makes us all shine brighter.
A yacht is a good of example of how an object can be an arrogant prick.
Trousers can never be too tight. You have to go through a couple of days of pain, then everything stretches out.
Conservative talk radio hosts have conned the American people into thinking there is such a thing as a pro-life, pro-war, pro-gun, pro-death penalty Christian.
You might be a redneck if the hood and one door are a different color from the rest of your car.
There was a time in my life when I was very interested in relationship psychology. Relationships end, but they don't end your life. But people do often spending more time finding out about failed relationships than finding successful ones.
Every joke has its origin - the punching people in the face joke. It hurts like hell to get punched in the face.
I don't know about you, but when they first introduced bottled water, I thought it was so funny, I was like "Bottled water! Haha, they're selling bottled water! ... I guess I'll try it. Ah, this is good, this is more watery than water. Yeah, this has got a water kick to it."
I slept really well last night, I slept like a baby: I pissed the bed four times... and woke up crying five.