Comedy Quotes & Jokes / page 1078
Making a good music video isn’t easy. If it were, MTV would still be showing them instead of ‘16 and Pregnant,’ which I assume is shot exclusively in Utah.
When cornered, a rattle snake can become so angry it's been known to bite itself, which is exactly how I feel in traffic and relationships.
I slept really well last night, I slept like a baby: I pissed the bed four times... and woke up crying five.
The other night I woke up, she was saying sexy things. She was on the phone.
I think that after you get married a third time you have to give up a body part. Larry King would just be a head on a fucking stick.
But there was something really serendipitous that was happening, with some kind of energy that things would ultimately just work out, sometimes better than when you plan.
I am an observer, I like to watch people. I am into psychology and people - how they act and such.
Why don’t network TV shows have a warning that says "Caution: you are about to watch a real piece of shit."
You know I could go for a sandwich, but uh, I'm not gonna open two jars. I can't be opening and closing all kinds of jars. And who knows how many knives!
