Comedy Quotes & Jokes / page 1078
The other night I woke up, she was saying sexy things. She was on the phone.
If you have a complete set of salad bowls and they all say Kool Whip on the side, you might be a redneck.
If I had signed my fourth season of SNL, I wouldn’t have ever had the opportunity to do Curb Your Enthusiasm. If my buddy OG Pearson wouldn’t have passed away, I wouldn’t have been in L.A. for his memorial, and I would’ve never auditioned for Curb.
But there was something really serendipitous that was happening, with some kind of energy that things would ultimately just work out, sometimes better than when you plan.
We go out of our way to make people so different,... to punish them because of color, because of sex, because of size, and the game starts.
I'm a little hoarse tonight. I've been living in Chicago for the past two months, and you know how it is, yelling for help on the way home every night. Things are so tough in Chicago that at Easter time, for bunnies the little kids use porcupines.
Do you ever do something, and then think to yourself: That's So Raven?
I live in Los Angeles, I know it exists. I know you're not supposed to taste air.
There is a new bill in the Senate that is upsetting a lot of people. This bill would give the President the power to shut off the Internet. Al Gore is strongly opposed to it. Not because he invented the Internet. Because he did. But because he just signed up for Match.com.
My mother was so house proud that when my father got up to sleepwalk she had the bed made by the time he got back.