Comedy Quotes & Jokes / page 1078
You might be a redneck if you burn your front yard rather than mow it.
I started over again with an image: "Nothing goes right." Then when The Godfather came out, all I heard was, "Show respect. With me, you show respect." So I changed the image to "I don't get no respect." I tried it out in Greenwich Village. I remember the first joke I told: "Even as a kid, I'd play hide and seek and the other kids wouldn't even look for me." The people laughed. After the show, they started saying to me, "Me, too - I don't get no respect." I figured, let's try it again.
We usually have margaritas on Thursdays but since it's Tuesday I'll make an exception.
Yeah, let me give it a shot! The other, a few weeks ago my car broke down on the road. I had it pulled over to the side, and there’s just smoke pouring out of the motor. A guy stops to see if I’m all right, but he asks the stupid question. He said, “Car break down?” I said, “Nah, car wanted a cigarette, so I pulled over!” Here’s your sign!
You might be a redneck if your momma has ever stomped into the house and announced, "The feud is back on!"
You might be a redneck if your soap on a rope doubles as an air freshener.
You know I could go for a sandwich, but uh, I'm not gonna open two jars. I can't be opening and closing all kinds of jars. And who knows how many knives!
I've seen women who don't have great relationships with their dads, and it all comes down to this: You have to tell girls you love them every day.
My dad is actually a manic depressive, which is very exciting half the time.
You might be a redneck if... Your only condiment on the dining room table is the economy size bottle of ketchup.
In spite of the poor economy, almost 70 percent of Americans occasionally splurge on luxury items - like a blanket on a plane, or a peanut.