Comedy Quotes & Jokes / page 1078
I don't care if you laughed at that or not, the next time you hear that shit, you're gonna be like, "Haha. That Dane Cook is a silly bitch!"
Conservative talk radio hosts have conned the American people into thinking there is such a thing as a pro-life, pro-war, pro-gun, pro-death penalty Christian.
The views expressed by me are in no way endorsed by CBS any of its allied companies or in fact me.
I wonder if Socrates and Plato took a house on Crete during the summer.
I remember the time I was kidnapped and they sent a piece of my finger to my father. He said he wanted more proof.
Why do croutons come in airtight packages? It's just stale bread to begin with.
Given human nature, as far as I'm concerned, I think each of us should have a legal option before we are forced to be included in mankind.
This is my first week as an American citizen. It's amazing. Now I can vote in the general election - and for American Idol.
I would rather sit next to a transgender person and discuss why every single one I've met smells like a bar in the daytime than listen to people tell my why I want to have children and that I just don't know it yet. I do know, because I'm me and my feelings are the ones in my head. I don't want to have kids, and it's not a device to get attention or have conversations about it. I simply find children incredibly immature and, more often than not, dumb.
If history repeats itself I'm hopeful that I can get out of it with a note from my shrink.