Comedy Quotes & Jokes / page 1078
I've always got stuff in my head in case I meet somebody like Steven Spielberg or someone like that, where I can hopefully say something to them that nobody else has ever said and get a laugh out of them.
Ted Kennedy is endorsing John Kerry and I'm wondering, do you really want the endorsement of a guy with a Bloody Mary mustache?
I can tell how lonely I am by how easily I’m fooled by a mannequin in a store.
If God had intended us not to masturbate he would've made our arms shorter.
So I got off the plane and I forget to take off my seat-belt and I’m dragging the plane through the terminal... The wings are knocking people over...
You might be a redneck if you have refused to watch the Academy Awards since "Smokey and the Bandit" was snubbed for best picture.
Do you remember that kid that had sex with his high school teacher? I was reading online that he died today. He died from hi-fiveing.
I understand dildos: not everybody has fifteen inches of dick to swing around to scare the children.
The catholic church has a lot more money than any Colombian cartel and they leave a lot more bodies in their wake.
Most of the time people feel okay. Probably it’s because at the moment they’re not actually dying.
Experts say that if we go to war with Iraq, oil could reach as much as $80 a barrel. Of course, after the war it will be free.
The hardness of the butter is proportional to the softness of the bread.