Comedy Quotes & Jokes / page 1078
You might be a redneck if... Your only condiment on the dining room table is the economy size bottle of ketchup.
(While teaching his son to play baseball):<br /> "We're Mexi-cans not Mexi-can'ts."
There’s a new slimming course just out where they remove all your bones. Not only do you weigh less, but you also look so much more relaxed.
Nature's beauty never fails to fill me with a sense of wonder and awe, and still, I refuse to go camping.
Every time you come in from cheating on someone, they'll just whip out the most adorable term of endearment. Like, they'll wake up, bright and early, sleep in their eyes and say: "Hey, perfect."
My bedroom is so messy, if I died of natural causes, the cops would be like "no he didn't, clearly there was a struggle".
The comedy gods are smiling on me tonight, because for the longest time, I have said that president Bush must set a timetable for removing his head from his ass... and, by god, last week they went in and looked for it. They didn't find it, so now we don't know where it is, but at least for once in my life, I get to see the words "Bush", "operation", and "successful" in the same sentence.
Yeah, I'll take lettuce... tomato... and- I'm sorry, did you just put your balls in my sandwich?
If you want to dry hump someone you don’t know, just act like they were choking.
You might be a redneck if you consider pork and beans to be a gourmet food.