Comedy Quotes & Jokes / page 1078
The Catholic Church is still very angry about "The Da Vinci Code" - they don't like anything that makes more money in a weekend than they do.
She was so ugly that when I bent down to pet her cat it turned out to be the hair on her legs.
Coming up with a funny joke is like falling in love: It can hit you any time, anywhere. Having said that, the more you put yourself out there, the better your odds will be.
There’s a joke in everything, the trick is finding it. The best compliment a joke can get is what Huxley said about Darwin’s theory of evolution - ‘Why didn’t I think of that?’
I lost my virginity under a bridge. I was having sex with this poor girl and I was trying my best, but I was like Scotland at a World Cup – just pleased to be there.
You might be a redneck if there is more oil in your cap than in your car.
I replaced the headlights in my car with strobe lights, so it looks like I'm the only one moving.
Why do people do things that they fear? It may be that the fear contains information. Something can be interesting if you get to the other side of that fear.
It's a dream come true to have someone else portray me. Because I've been living this life for a long time, and I'm over myself.