Comedy Quotes & Jokes / page 1078
You know when you're sitting on a chair and you lean back so you're just on two legs and you lean too far so you almost fall over but at the last second you catch yourself? I feel like that all the time...
Nazi Germany was so destructive to Judaism not only for the loss of life, but because many who survived began to see the practice of Judaism as somewhat of a health hazard.
I stayed back late at work one afternoon last week and I had a co-worker looked at me and said "are you still here?" I said no, I left 10 minutes ago. Here's your sign !!
From this moment on I'd dedicate my life to rock and roll and take as many drugs as possible. What could possibly go wrong?
Ted Kennedy is endorsing John Kerry and I'm wondering, do you really want the endorsement of a guy with a Bloody Mary mustache?
I am sick of deconstructing their propaganda, because it's pretty much the same as it's always been. It's just repeating something over and over again until we believe it and we hope that you believe it.
You might be a redneck if your momma has ever stomped into the house and announced, "The feud is back on!"
It's the greatest when your girlfriend says to you, "dude... you need to go and get laid."
You know I could go for a sandwich, but uh, I'm not gonna open two jars. I can't be opening and closing all kinds of jars. And who knows how many knives!
I’ve always had a special place in my heart for old women digging through garbage bins. They saved my life so many times as a baby.
Suppose I could shoot myself in the mouth, but what if I miss? People will laugh at me.