Comedy Quotes & Jokes / page 1078
The catholic church has a lot more money than any Colombian cartel and they leave a lot more bodies in their wake.
Experts say that if we go to war with Iraq, oil could reach as much as $80 a barrel. Of course, after the war it will be free.
The hardness of the butter is proportional to the softness of the bread.
People tell you to have a safe trip, as if you have some control over it.
Very few positive experiences begin with being told to count back slowly from ten.
I thought, Hey, maybe these people shouldn’t be making up holidays to drink more. Maybe if they drank less they might be able to title their newspaper articles more specifically. For example, I would title this last article “Drunk Driver Hits Drunk Walker Drunkety-Drunk I’m So Drunk.
There are a hell of a lot of jobs that are scarier than live comedy. Like standing in the operating room when a guy's heart stops, and you're the one who has to fix it!
There's more than one mosque in the world that used to be a church and before that was a temple. Because it's a lot easier to just change the sign on the top and say "under new management" than it is to change the whole building.
You might be a redneck if you think a hot tub is a stolen bathroom fixture.
I'm going to go to Kennebunkport and see if they respond any quicker!
If you are wearing a bandana you better have something wise to say, because you are starting with a credibility deficit.
I went out with this girl the other night, she wore this real slinky number...She looked great going down the stairs.