Comedy Quotes & Jokes / page 1078
I live in Los Angeles, I know it exists. I know you're not supposed to taste air.
There’s a new slimming course just out where they remove all your bones. Not only do you weigh less, but you also look so much more relaxed.
I feel so fortunate to be one of the lucky ones who is so grateful and appreciative to know such great synonyms for thankful.
My mother was so house proud that when my father got up to sleepwalk she had the bed made by the time he got back.
The hardness of the butter is proportional to the softness of the bread.
Because it’s much more pleasant to be obsessed over how the hero gets out of his predicament than it is over how I get out of mine.
You might be a redneck if you consider pork and beans to be a gourmet food.
A blonde, German woman with spiky hair...walked up to the plane and said 'There are busses outside that you will be loaded on to. You will be told what will happen to you when you reach your destination.' And all I could think in my head, was, 'I am not getting on those fucking buses. No, no, I have seen too many Oscar-winning movies. I know how this story ends. I know what you do to people who look like me. If I'm getting on any bus, it's with the blond family over there.'
You might be a redneck if you roll you hair with soup cans and wash it once a year.
President Bush remained undeterred by the massive display of American opposition, even though much of it came from the hundreds of thousands of voters who supported him by voting for Nader.
We need a return to the basics in this country when you stop to think that only one of the three “R’s” actually starts with the letter “r.”
I’d much rather have AIDS than a baby… They’re not that different, you guys… They’re both expensive. You have them for the rest of your life. They’re constant reminders of the mistakes you’ve made. And once you have them, you pretty much can only date other people who have them. What’s the difference?