Comedy Quotes & Jokes / page 1078
You might be a redneck if your soap on a rope doubles as an air freshener.
It's the greatest when your girlfriend says to you, "dude... you need to go and get laid."
I want you to think back to when you were a kid. Remember the day you learned you could burn ants with a magnifying glass? Oh, what a great day that was! You got to be God. You decided who lived, who died. I must've burned ants for an hour, just laughing. Then I saw one on my arm. Let me tell you something, when you burn yourself with a magnifying glass, you're on your own. You can't even tell your mom, because she gives that face, "Oh, he is that stupid."
Do you remember that kid that had sex with his high school teacher? I was reading online that he died today. He died from hi-fiveing.
Whosoever shall not fall by the sword or by famine, shall fall by pestilence so why bother shaving?
Studies show American students are becoming less proficient in math. Experts say we should have seen this coming, but nobody could put 2 and 2 together.
I saw a seagull hanging out by a lake, but I said, "Don't worry, Dude. I won't say anything."
The hardness of the butter is proportional to the softness of the bread.
