Comedy Quotes & Jokes / page 1078
The plastic knife is perfect for when a person just wants to make some marks on his food and get insanely frustrated at the same time.
I wonder if there were any goths in gothic times. They’re like: You look completely appropriate. You don’t look stupid or lonely at all.
I want to commit a crime during a reenactment, and turn it into an enactment.
If the gas pedal on your car is shaped like a bare foot, you might be a redneck.
The hardness of the butter is proportional to the softness of the bread.
A musical is the same as a burlap sack, I would not want to be in either.
So, I play in a band. It's a really underground band. Super underground. Very underground. Like, we don't even actually play.
If you want to dry hump someone you don’t know, just act like they were choking.
A conscience is what hurts when all your other parts feel so good.
Thank you... San Francisco. All right, you're ruining the show. Thank you... for clapping for what my parents are ashamed of.
Ya know what I do almost every day? I wash. Personal hygiene is part of the package with me.
