Comedy Quotes & Jokes / page 1078

At twenty a man is full of fight and hope. He wants to reform the world. When he is seventy he still wants to reform the world, but he know he can't.

I think it would be cool if you were writing a ransom note on your computer, if the paper clip popped up and said, 'Looks like you're writing a ransom note. Need help? You should use more forceful language, you'll get more money.'

Kindness isn't just a virtue, its a necessity.

I think a lot of the time you just parody yourself.

I have a very low level of recognition, which is fine by me.

I am an observer, I like to watch people. I am into psychology and people - how they act and such.

I like to play in the low 70's. If it gets any hotter than that I'll stay in the bar!

You know I could go for a sandwich, but uh, I'm not gonna open two jars. I can't be opening and closing all kinds of jars. And who knows how many knives!

I don't know about condoms for everyone in porn. But there is a strong case for goggles.

I live in Los Angeles, I know it exists. I know you're not supposed to taste air.

I enjoy life as long as it is not my own.

You don't have anything; you don't own anything.

Nature's beauty never fails to fill me with a sense of wonder and awe, and still, I refuse to go camping.

I'm nothing if not an optimist.

The hardness of the butter is proportional to the softness of the bread.