Comedy Quotes & Jokes / page 1078
People know I have a good time on stage. I love my life. I love my job.
You can write a great country record and still be angry. Who's angrier than Toby Keith? He's angrier than the average 10 rappers.
In spite of the poor economy, almost 70 percent of Americans occasionally splurge on luxury items - like a blanket on a plane, or a peanut.
I was booked into the Riviera Hotel in Las Vegas with three other comedians. We all were using the Riviera in-house shampoo, so we all had equal shine and bounce.
The catholic church has a lot more money than any Colombian cartel and they leave a lot more bodies in their wake.
Most of the time people feel okay. Probably it’s because at the moment they’re not actually dying.
You might be a redneck if you have been fired from a construction job because of your appearance.
So, I play in a band. It's a really underground band. Super underground. Very underground. Like, we don't even actually play.
Most people that commit to a life of celibacy weren't leaving that much on the table in the first place.
I never give anyone just one congratulation. Congratulations are always plural. They are similar to grapes.