Comedy Quotes & Jokes / page 1078
She was so fat that when she got on the scale a card came out saying one at a time.
He released Annie's Boobs. Annie's Boobs could be anywhere. Annie's Boobs could be on the streets
One nice thing about egotists: they don't talk about other people.
My father said, "Bring along your best girl." This is something you say to a pimp!
The reason there are two senators for each state is so that one can be the designated driver.
Oh, southern rappers... so hard to write a rhyme when you only know 30 words.
I love when you get boner spam for boner pills and the subject is "Be a better lover". Oh, the boner was the problem on that? That’s why I’m a bad lover? Do you have a pill that’s gonna make me care if she cums? That would be a medical miracle.
I am often the one they call “You,” but I am no more “You” than you. I am me. And yet I am more “Me” than you are me or can ever be.
If we lose our phones, we lose our phone books. You don't memorize numbers anymore.
If you take an Oriental person and spin him around several times, does he become disoriented?
When I first came out, I thought, I want to walk like a real woman, I don't want to do mincing steps. And there was some girl I saw walking up Holloway Road in Islington who had this long languid walk and I thought, that's what I like, so I incorporated her walk into mine.
I've always really liked theater. It fascinated me. You can create a reality and get people involved in that reality. It takes place in real time.
During her pregnancy my mother referred to me as a "wreck-in-progress."
So I got off the plane and I forget to take off my seat-belt and I’m dragging the plane through the terminal... The wings are knocking people over...