Comedy Quotes & Jokes / page 1078
Perhaps depression is a perfectly natural reaction to the human condition.
We need more people speaking out. This country is not overrun with rebels and free thinkers. It's overrun with sheep and conformists.
When years from now people look back on today, they will think the same thing they already do but with more reasons for it.
Studies show American students are becoming less proficient in math. Experts say we should have seen this coming, but nobody could put 2 and 2 together.
I can remember the first time I had to go to sleep. Mom said, "Steven, time to go to sleep." I said, "But I don't know how." She said, "It's real easy. Just go down to the end of tired and hang a left." So I went down to the end of tired, and just out of curiosity I hung a right. My mother was there, and she said "I thought I told you to go to sleep."
I feel so fortunate to be one of the lucky ones who is so grateful and appreciative to know such great synonyms for thankful.
Every day, the hummingbird eats its own weight in food. You may wonder how it weighs the food. It doesn't. It just eats another hummingbird.
Every time you come in from cheating on someone, they'll just whip out the most adorable term of endearment. Like, they'll wake up, bright and early, sleep in their eyes and say: "Hey, perfect."
The hardness of the butter is proportional to the softness of the bread.
You are ten times more likely to get hit by a car when the driver is aiming for you.