Comedy Quotes & Jokes / page 1102
If you absolutely believe that what you do is right, you're bullet-proof.
You might be a redneck if the rear tires on your car are at least twice as wide as the front ones.
Oh, I'm not allowed to do anything. Well fuck off then. If your not going to do anything then what's the use, just piss off. Stop asking us to mumble things on Sundays.
Let's be honest, this is a consumer based economy in America. That's all we manufacture here is need and appetite. We are the world's mouth. They make things in other countries, and they're like, 'Send it to America; they'll eat it.'
I think that people who do enjoy my stand-up comedy and the people who get it and the people who are taken in by it, they see that I'm a guy that has love of the game.
I think the people I talk about are generally so stupid that they don’t even know I’m saying bad things about them. I've run into Paris Hilton and she’s like, "Oh, I love your show." And I’m like, "You can’t love my show if you can hear."
I would think black people think everything is about race. They are the ones who are on the outside of the game. They are the ones who face it every day.
I'm going to live until I die, and everything in between is just another excuse to eat peanut butter.
We always have creepy people around, a creepy individual, and it starts off when we're young-uns; when we're young-uns there's a creepy person. Back in school, back in the day, which by the way, I don't know if you knew this, was a Wednesday. Thats a little fun fact. Yeah, when you refer to "back in the day" it's a Wednesday. Take that home, chew it, it's delicious.
When I was born the doctor took one look at my face, turned me over and said, Look... twins!
I think we should take Iraq and Iran and combine them into one country and call it Irate. All the pissed off people live in one place and get it over with.
You might be a redneck if you have to go down to the creek to take a bath.
Without her I don't exist. Without her, I wouldn't be doing this for a living. Without her, in four states it would still be legal to kill a man with a cappuccino machine. She touched a lot of lives.