Comedy Quotes & Jokes / page 1103
If the gas pedal on your car is shaped like a bare foot, you might be a redneck.
A half-hour show almost doesn't do it justice. There is so much material out there. The 24-hour news networks are talking about news analysis when they have no vested interest in news. They have vested interest in fanning the flames of conflict because that's what gets them ratings. That's what keeps them on the air.
I'd never consciously left home to see a zombie movie. They were fine by me, but I had no intention of ever being in one. But I've been learning more about it as I've been doing interviews. I didn't even know there were specialist zombie magazines and clubs. I heard the other day that a radio station had asked people if they`d made preparations for an attack by zombies, and a staggering number of people replied yes!
I don't have a photograph, but you can have my footprints. They're upstairs in my socks.
There's a McDonalds in Hong Kong & they're offering couples the opportunity to get married. You can have a McWedding.
Here's a guy who's never faced combat or anything in his life - or really had a tough day - and he's like, 'Bring it on,' I love that. He's like, 'Ya got a problem? Bring it on. Over there. In Iraq. Where the troops are.'
How come everybody cheers when chicks flash their T&A, but when I pull out my D&Bs, i'm a registered sex offender.
You have to remember one thing about the will of the people: it wasn't that long ago that we were swept away by the Macarena.
If everyone in the world sat quietly at the same time, closed their eyes and concentrated as hard as they could on peace and goodwill, all the killing and cruelty in the world would continue. And probably increase.