Comedy Quotes & Jokes / page 1104
You have to remember one thing about the will of the people: it wasn't that long ago that we were swept away by the Macarena.
Remember the band, Flock of Seagulls? They had their van stolen. I was like, "They still have a van?"
Valentine's Day is a time to celebrate the joy of being in love. Unless you're single and lonely then it's called Laundry Day.
If you think nobody cares about you, try missing a couple of payments.
Light travels faster than sound. Isn't that why people appear bright before you hear them speak?
Victoria Beckham looks like she has a dump once every four years. That’s probably how David knows that there’s a World Cup coming up.
I'm sick to fucking death of skinheads queue jumping at Disneyland!
It's rare to find a sentence that includes the word "amputate" that also ends with, "he said with a smile".
Oh, Captain Clever! Rattle it, if it doesn't go off it can't be a bomb!
When I was in high school, girls made fun of me for liking vampire movies. Now, I'd be their king. Time machine, where are you?
I was on a phone call with the HSBC and they said when are you gonna pay off this overdraft? I said you know what outside southeast asia its rude to call people up and ask them for money!
How do I ask my shrink to stop responding to everything I say with, "Too much information!" and then giggling behind a pillow?
Does anyone remember how we used to get cash before ATM's? Did we have to go inside the bank? Then what? We lived like apes!