Comedy Quotes & Jokes / page 1104
My friend asked me if I wanted a frozen banana. I said 'No, but I want a regular banana later, so... yeah.'
You may be a redneck if... you have spent more on your pickup truck than on your education.
Does anyone remember how we used to get cash before ATM's? Did we have to go inside the bank? Then what? We lived like apes!
I love catching a snapshot of something that is just about to happen. Or maybe something that just happened, you know. But I like especially that just-before kind of feeling.
The first time I sang in the church choir; two hundred people changed their religion.
Sometimes they would just pay me to stay home and not do anything else, which sounds fantastic but doesn't do much for your ego. Its probably a little like getting alimony-the money is nice but has a nasty aftertaste.
At the moment it's just a Notion, but with a bit of backing I think I could turn it into Concept, and then an Idea.
You might be a redneck if you've ever raked leaves in your kitchen.
He doesn't understand the subtleties of slights and pains, that it is not the big events that hurt the most but rather the smallest questionable shift in tone at the end of a spoken word that can plow most deeply into the heart.
I’ve always had a special place in my heart for old women digging through garbage bins. They saved my life so many times as a baby.
I’m always relieved when someone is delivering a eulogy and I realize I’m listening to it.
If you absolutely believe that what you do is right, you're bullet-proof.
I immediately went out and bought a book on anger management. And now I have that book, and I don't know if I'll get to the book. But I'm certainly excited about the day where I can't find the book, and I get to say, 'Where the hell is my anger management book?!'