Comedy Quotes & Jokes / page 1105

It's clearly yen positive, especially when China is gradually allowing the yuan to appreciate day by day.

I think foosball is a combination of soccer and shish kabobs.

It's a wonderful thing to be able to create your own world whenever you want to.

I think I'm past any window where I'm suddenly going to become surprisingly ripped so that people go, 'Oh, my God, what happened to you?'

If a mute swears, does his mother wash his hands with soap?

I've met a lot of people who've lost their jobs and they still have a sense of humor.

Am I my brother's keeper? Yes. Interestingly, in my case, I share that honor with the Prospect Park Zoo.

Wasting time in a relationship that blows is just that - wasted time.

When you create you get a little endorphin rush. Why do you think Einstein looked like that?

She told me when we have sex, that's the only time I make her laugh.

I am often the one they call “You,” but I am no more “You” than you. I am me. And yet I am more “Me” than you are me or can ever be.

How do you tell when you’re out of invisible ink?

You may be a redneck if... you have spent more on your pickup truck than on your education.

Does anyone remember how we used to get cash before ATM's? Did we have to go inside the bank? Then what? We lived like apes!

I love catching a snapshot of something that is just about to happen. Or maybe something that just happened, you know. But I like especially that just-before kind of feeling.