Comedy Quotes & Jokes / page 1187
How is it possible to find meaning in a finite world, given my waist and shirt size?
The CMT folks, there was a genuine enthusiasm that I've never had in television before on the executive side.
I have a pacemaker in, but it doesn't work very well, because every time I fart the garage door opens.
I call it ‘new forms’. When you’re starting out, they ask you to do four or five minute sets, but once you’re a headliner, you do like 90 minutes. I try to think of different things to divvy up the show, like doing drawings, playing music… I gotta carry the show, that’s the problem.
You know, your whole life you're concerned about money for this and that. And then you don't have to worry about it, so you worry about other stuff.
I am an observer, I like to watch people. I am into psychology and people - how they act and such.
Sex between a man and a woman can be wonderful, provided you can get between the right man and the right woman.
It looks like Heidi Montag and Spencer Pratt are 'taking a break.' Their engagement is off, and Heidi is going back to Colorado. This is really sad for Heidi and for all the Hills fans and for the entire state of Colorado.
Humor is something men have to develop when they don’t have other skills to attract women. It’s a form of plumage that we’ve developed naturally as animals. Women don’t have to do that. You never hear a guy say, “Yeah, the first thing I want in a woman is that she’s gotta be funny.” Women aren’t funny as a rule. It’s just far more rare.
I had jobs that were as short as an hour and a half. One was putting circulars into newspapers, and I worked at it for 90 minutes before I said “I’m going to the bathroom” and never came back. I never spent a lot of time at a boring job. I’d either quit, or I’d try to make it fun and they would try to fire me. When I worked for a collections agency, I’d fuck with people until it became like a Jerky Boys routine. My bosses would tell me, “You’re still supposed to get the money from them.”
I'm 38 and could very much bare my midriff, but it may make some people nauseous.
Because it's much more pleasant to be obsessed over how the hero gets out of his predicament than it is over how I get out of mine.
I get paid very well for an amazing, amazing life. I'm blessed.
Being the executive producer of a film is not that difficult. It just means that you have some power. There's not a huge amount of skill involved, I don't know how much I'm giving away here. I feel like that guy on Fox, giving away the magicians' tricks. It's not rocket science, being an executive producer of a film.