Comedy Quotes & Jokes / page 1186
I'm not a racist. It's really case by case; it's not ethnicity specific. It's just the way I react to things that are different. I think that's normal. Everyone's nervous when they're confronted with things that they don't understand or are different. That's a normal human reaction. It doesn't become racist 'til you say things like, 'Oh, there's a lot of them.'
And yet, people still turn to Jesus. You will notice though that the kind of people who turn to Jesus tend to be the sort of people who haven't done that well with everybody else.
I started off as a ballerina. I had to quit ballet after I injured a groin muscle. It wasn’t mine.
Why are women wearing perfumes that smell like flowers to attrat men? Men don’t like flowers. I wear a scent called “new-car interior.”
Artists who say that they're artists: usually people who need a job.
I brought a mirror to Lovers' Lane. I told everybody I'm Narcissus.
I knew a girl so ugly, they use her in prisons to cure sex offenders.
I think the best analogy for where we are right now is that America is Elvis Presley -- the most beautiful, talented, rebellious nation in the history of Earth. And now, you're in your Vegas years. You've squeezed yourself into a white jumpsuit, you're wheezing your way through 'Love Me Tender' and you might be about to pass away bloated on the toilet. But you're still the King.
HD doesn't mean anything to me. It's a technical thing. It's like demographics. A lot of people know about it.
Nightmares are killing me so I'm going to sleep doing impressions.
High definition ruined a lot of things that I used to hold sacrosanct in pornography.