Comedy Quotes & Jokes / page 1188
C is for cookie, it's good enough for me; oh cookie cookie cookie starts with C.
Now, I meant to talk about something else earlier on, and I've forgotten what it was. I've remembered what it is again, but I've also forgotten. And that's really what adult life is like most of the time.
I hate you Google. You’ve caused a lot of problems in my relationship. I share a computer with my girlfriend. She’ll look up anything. “I’m going to look up apples today.” She just hits “A.” It’s like, “Asian Ass Porn” instantly. Google’s like, “I’ll take it from here. I know exactly what you’re looking up. Any time you hit A it’s ‘Asian Ass Porn.’” Google, all I ask is you let her type three letters before you come to such a bold conclusion.
You might be a redneck if you own more cowboy boots than sneakers.
I don't like to generalize, but if you see a guy with his shirt tucked into his shorts, he's probably killed three or four children.
If you had a million Shakespeares, could they write like a monkey?
You might be a redneck if you can tell your age by the number of rings in the bathtub.
It was reported that Guy Ritchie has cast his wife Madonna in a small walk-on role in his new movie, Revolver. Madonna will play the part of the woman who ruins the film.
And then we get here and five minutes after we arrive, the skies open up. It's completely nice and there was a rainbow above the thing we were shooting. So, I don't know, if God didn't want us to shoot, he sure fucked up today.
I idolized Superman when I was younger. I thought he and I had a lot in common. He was always going into phonebooths and taking off all his clothes.