Comedy Quotes & Jokes / page 1189
You might be a redneck if you can change the oil in your truck without ducking your head.
I used to temp. I called a temp agency once. They were like, “Do you have any phone skills?”<br /> I was like, “I called you, didn’t I?”
Many in the Senate and the Congress care more about their jobs on a watered-down bill over potential mass murders and suicides with guns.
When you're a father in a marriage, you sort of become the mother's assistant. And you sort of get a list from her every day and you run down the list and it feels very much like a chore.
I was going to get an abortion the other day. I totally wanted an abortion. And it turns out I was just thirsty.
The average life expectancy rate in some parts of Glasgow is 54. If you’ve ever been there, you’ll realize that that’s maybe a bit long.
Every morning I hear the alarm, it's like "BEEP BEEP BEEP" For second I'm like, "I could get used to that, just dream I'm in a techno club, or something."
Another thing rappers, I admire your rebellious spirit, but materialism is a form of mental slavery. Slow down on the jewelry, pick up a book.
I was sort of tricked into marrying. One night I was out with Fang and a girl said, “You better hand on to him.” I thought I had a prize. I didn’t know she meant that after one drink he falls down.
One day I'd like to beat you at your own game, but your game is badmitton so that will probably never happen.
Last night some guy knocked on the front door. She told me to hide in the closet.
Radio is a bag of mediocrity where little men with carbon minds wallow in sluice of their own making.
You know you've been listening to too much hip hop when you're response to a red light is "can't stop, won't stop son!".