Comedy Quotes & Jokes / page 385
I said I didn't respect religion... and anyone who believes in fairy tales to answer questions that we can't answer. So I don't respect our religions either. But I do believe it is a clash of civilizations, absolutely, between the Islamic world and the Western world. It has been going on for 1,000 years.
No touching… Cashmere is highly sensitive to the oil in poor people’s fingers.
Doctors said that the test most commonly used to screen for colon cancer doesn't go far enough. They're recommending a procedure that involves photographing the entire colon. I say, don't vie CBS an idea for another reality show.
A lot of people ask me what my favorite episode of "Full House" was, I always tell them: it was the last one!
You might be a redneck if you think mud rasslin' should be an Olympic sport.
Just saw a woman with a big tattoo of Jesus on her back. I guess it's an ixnay on the oggy style-day.
It's always funny until someone gets hurt. Then it's just hilarious.
A doctor was telling me a lot of people aren't getting their kids circumcised. How many people aren't doing it? I'm not looking to be a trendsetter when it comes to my kid's penis. I don't want my kid to be the only guy in the locker room with a schlong that looks like it's about to rob a bank.
That’s what happens when the “Big One” comes. You go to bed fine, then you wake up dead.