Comedy Quotes & Jokes / page 384
So instead of talking about theoretical ways of ending the war and violence, I say that we have to get rid of the individual asholes in each office and situation.
Folk who don't know why America is the Land of Promise should be here during an election campaign.
It takes intelligence to make real comedy, and it takes a reality base to create all that little stuff I like to do that makes you giggle inside.
When I was in high school the worst thing you could ever get was VD. Talk about the sniffles! I just want to meet an old-fashioned girl with gonorrhea.
We need more money for schools. We need more money for the kids. Ever think maybe the damn kids aren't worth it?
That’s what happens when the “Big One” comes. You go to bed fine, then you wake up dead.
I talk to a lot of librarians, and there's always a steady drumbeat of how libraries are places of community. But a lot of them have also recently - and just in the nick of time - refurbished, because during this economic downturn, people have a tendency to borrow instead of buy.
I know we've only known each other 4 weeks and 3 days, but to me it seems like 9 weeks and 5 days.
There`s nothing wrong with sending a quick note if you`re busy or just want to flirt, but it`s hard to have any real interaction over text. In the buffet of communication, text messaging should be a side dish, not the entree.
You know what they said in California? I saw it on C-Span - people we vote for - this is what they said, 'I propose that we kick all of the illegal aliens out of this country. Then we build a super-fence so they can't get back in.' And I went, 'Um, who's gonna build it?'
I'll tell ya, in New York City, where I've lived far too long, 'fuck' isn't even a word, it's a comma.