Comedy Quotes & Jokes / page 541
When I jumped off a roof in Cannes in a bee costume, I looked ridiculous. But this is my business; I have to humiliate myself.
She got really mad a month ago, because she had e-mailed me a naked picture of herself - which is a nice thing to do - but then I messed up, and I accidentally forwarded that e-mail to both of my parents. Now, my girlfriend is furious, mortified, but I don't even care, 'cause now I have to call up my mother and say 'Mom, I am so sorry - that picture was just for dad.'
I used to go to the Cleveland Comedy Club all the time. If there was a comic I liked, I'd go see him two or three times that week. Bob Saget was one of those guys.
I found a way for her to fall asleep, Paris Hilton, talk to herself.
I realize that I am not a journalist. So anything I say is not important.
When I got into this, I never thought about reviews. I never thought about what people would say about me, I was just a young guy who was excited to become a comedian and an actor, and I just wanted to get to do what I got to do.
NASA! There's a crack unit, huh? These guys make Amtrak look like a team of micro surgeons. The Soviets are building Chuck E Cheeses' on Mars, we break out the party hats if we get down to three in the countdown.
My voice was not heard, the questions were not asked that I wanted to see asked.
War continues in Iraq. They're calling it Operation Iraqi Freedom. They were going to call it Operation Iraqi Liberation until they realized that spells 'OIL.'
With Saturday Night Live you're looking for any hook, any way to stay on the show.
There are battered husbands. Apparently this happens when the woman is real big, the man is very small, and they each drink a quart of whiskey a day.
Making you a pioneer only means one thing. You were around at the time.