Comedy Quotes & Jokes / page 622
The meek may inherit the earth, but they don't get in to Harvard.
So I do have this ambivalence. Obviously I'm against militaries, because of what militaries do. In many ways though, the air force was unmilitary-like. They dropped bombs on people, but... they had a golf course.
To get a man's attention, just stand in front of the TV and don't move. He'll talk to you. I promise.
For most of my relationships, I would have liaisons, and I would feel guilty.
Over the years, there certainly have been plenty of ideas that I've had and given up on, but for this one, the only thing that was standing in its way was me doing it - I just had to write it... And then if it didn't happen, it didn't happen. But I didn't want it to be for lack of effort on my part, so I had hunch that it would be a good story and that we would work well together. And it certainly worked out that way.
"This is no way to run a business," I told Dim Sum, and then looked at Tons of Fun. "And you might want to lay off the carbs, you fucking wildebeest."
We can't agree on religion and guns and economics and sadly civil rights but if the wealthy won't chip in for the needy we are done.
Neurotics build castles in the air, psychotics live in them. My mother cleans them.
My wife and I keep fighting about sex and money. I think she charges me too much.
If the FBI's motivating factor for busting down the Koresh compound was child abuse, how come we never see Bradley tanks smashing into Catholic churches?
It’s a real valley when I talk about veal. And calf roping. People were sensitive about calf roping. Which I think is quite funny.