Comedy Quotes & Jokes / page 748
Who ever invented ALCOHOL should be shot immediately, Hangovers are the worst... I swear it feels like a fat baby is kicking me in the head.
You forget how crazy people are in New York, all the people on the sidewalk. When you leave here, everyone's in their car. But I get back here - I just went to throw something in the garbage, and there was a guy in the garbage. And he wasn't looking in it; he is in it, looking out over 9th Ave like a fisherman.
I'm quite lucky, because I've got a small, decorative concrete pig.
I mean, in my - and I'm not trying to do spilled milk, but in those days it was a little - I think it was much tougher, because you got an image, and you were in a saloon. And it was tough to come out of a saloon and to get in films, and to maintain an image, you know.
I don’t want to be a mom. I could easily be a dad. I could lie on a couch and have my kid come up to me for the first time when they’re 5 years old and go, “Dad, can I go outside?”<br /> “I dunno, ask your mother.”<br /> That I can do. I’d be amazing at that.
Grannies Gone Wild’: She may have alzheimer’s, but she still nasty!
I haven't spoken to my wife in 18 months - I don't like to interrupt her.
She kind of reminds one of Helen. There's something very similar about Elizabeth Perkins.
But the only ramifications were, like, the kind of bigoted right-wing assault and pretend anger, partisan anger, that came from some right-wing radio people or the pretend anger from guys like Scarborough and nonsense like that.
Don't you see the rest of the country looks upon New York like we're left-wing, communist, Jewish, homosexual pornographers? I think of us that way sometimes and I live here.
To all my fans who’s saying Donald Glover about to blow, just give me six months so you can say I told you so.