Comedy Quotes & Jokes / page 821

Eternal nothingness is fine if you happen to be dressed for it.

Now let's fight for three days because I'm bored!

I went to computer class with my Dell and I was bullied by a guy with a Mac.

A man's only as old as the woman he feels.

I dont know how to add things to my own wikipedia page.

Without identical twins, you’ll never get to experience entering a hotel room with one of them and watching him run into the full-length mirror because he though he saw his brother.

There is only one goal. That's to keep working and keep flossing.

At the request of the Catholic Church, a three-day sex orgy to be held near Rio de Janeiro was cancelled last Friday. So instead I spent the weekend cleaning my apartment

We mostly get together and have fun. It's a great place to play music with a small group of nice people.

No man goes before his time - unless the boss leaves early.

When I did the sitcom I was too naive. I thought, Well, they know what they're talking about, let's do that.

Old McDonald, who said on his honeymoon, "Ee-eye-ee-eye-oooohhh!!!" Never got a dinner!

Flash Gordon, who said, "No, that’s not how I got my name." Never got a dinner!

I think of people as members of an audience. But an audience acts independently of every individual. It’s an organism on its own. I focus on that living hydra in the dark.

She was hostile. You don't have an orgasm and say to your lover, 'Take that!'