Comedy Quotes & Jokes / page 924
They said I wasn't being funny. And I said to them, 'I know that, but tomorrow I will go back to being funny, and your show will still blow.'
There is nothing so annoying as having two people talking when you're busy interrupting.
I saw a poster for Mission Impossible III the other day. I thought: It’s not impossible if he’s already done it twice.
The Japanese Prime Minister has apologized for Japan's part in World War II. However, he still hasn't mentioned anything about karaoke.
People make plans and God laughs. Why? What's wrong with people making plans? Why don't you just grow the fuck up, you big, fake jerk.
So, I'm 34. I'm kind of becoming an adult - kind of, I guess. But I know that I am because, the other day, I said to somebody, 'Dude, dude, don't - those are the good plates.'
I’m a vulgar, fucked-up degenerate comedian who did drugs. And I’m connecting with Christian mothers and fathers. I love that. That means so much to me.
My grandmother died of natural causes. Or as my family calls it murdered by the lord.
Don't get lost on a hike there. You'll end up on YouTube without a head, and there's no web redemption for that.
Is it just me, or is he the greasiest nigga you ever seen in your life? Every time Jermaine comes on, I gotta wipe the grease off the screen! Can't see shit! Jermaine must have been on. Even the police can't catch his ass, 'cause every time they try, he just slips out! They be like, "Somebody throw some sand on that nigga! Please!"
When you go to cable, there are no stations and no affiliates and they allow you to do your show.
I am accusing him of stealing my best material, he was a very funny man.