Quotes & Jokes about Christmas / page 6
My nephew said, "Uncle Emo, are you giving me a puppy for Christmas?" I said, "Now, now! You've been shaking the box, haven't you?"
If you stand under the misteletoe at Christmas and wait for Granny and cousin Bobby-Sue Ellen to walk by, you might be a redneck.
You might be a redneck if your Christmas cards have a copy of your butt included.
I pull up at the Christmas tree shop and I walk up and the guy says "hey you here to buy a tree?" "Nope, My son had to go to the bathroom and these trees looked mighty inviting." Here's your sign!
This man’s wife told him, “For Christmas, surprise me.” On Christmas Eve he leaned over where she was sleeping and said, “Boo!”
In a world of war, pain and suffering, all I want for Christmas is an underwater watch and a silver clutch rod for my dirt bike.
At Christmas you can get real bargains. I saw one item marked down ten dollars. It was a yacht.
Christmas was really where I started coming into my own as a performer because I did all this stuff on my own, all this performing on my own, When other kids were outside playing, I was in my room conjuring characters and impressions and things like that.
It's the first day of spring. That means this weekend I'll take down my Christmas lights.
I wrapped my Christmas presents early this year, but I used the wrong paper. See, the paper I used said 'Happy Birthday' on it. I didn't want to waste it so I just wrote 'Jesus' on it.
If God is all powerful, and Jesus is the son of God, why did He make His birthday fall on Christmas?
I was in a department store and I saw a weird-looking gadget. I asked the young saleslady what it was. She answered, “It doesn’t do anything. It’s just a Christmas gift.”
St. Patrick's Day is what Christmas would be like if Jesus had been killed by a car bomb.
I grew up in Scotland in the 1970s. There was not much money. The most popular Christmas toy was probably a potato.