Quotes & Jokes about Dogs / page 3

What a dog I got, he found out we look alike, so he killed himself.

I took Duke to the vet ’cause he eats his own turds, and I asked the vet, “Isn’t that unusual?” and he says, “No, a lot of dogs do that. Just take some of this powder here, sprinkle it on his food and it’ll make him stop.” I said, “What’s it do?” He says, “It makes his turds taste bad.”<br /> “I’m sorry, Doc, did you just say ‘it will make his turds taste bad’?” Let me tell you something, if you’ve stooped to eating turds, you’ve never uttered the phrase, “Oh my God! This is nasty!”

I looked up my family tree and found three dogs using it.

To women, we are like big dogs that talk.

I really think it's crazy that we hit our kids. It really is. Here's the crazy part about it. Kids are the only people in the world that you're allowed to hit. Do you realize that? They're the most vulnerable and they're the most destroyed by being hit, but it's totally OK to hit them. And they're the only ones! If you hit a dog, they fucking will put you in jail for that shit.

We’ve got 4 dogs, 2 of them are wiener dogs, those are her dogs. And they’re cute until they have to go to the vet, and then it’s like a billion dollars. I took them to the vet and our idiot vet goes, “That dog’s gonna have back problems right there.” No kidding! It’s got an 8-foot back and 2-inch legs! I could have figured that one out! Here’s another one, Doc Obvious. That right there’s a boy dog and he’s 1/4 inch away from dragging his transmission on the sidewalk!

Technically my dog's naked most of the time. Except halloween, when I dress him up as Liza Minelli.

I don't speak French, but I took it for five years growing up. So, if I were in a situation where I had to be, like, 'Excuse me, pineapple dog house red, what time is it library?' - no problem.

You might be a redneck if your front porch collapses and kills more than three dogs.

Dogs - putting the lie to the age-old saying, "I could never love anyone who ate a diaper."

I love my hunting dog. I loved my hunting dog - I'm not very good at hunting.

Cell phones are like a dog’s nipples. You don’t have to shout into them.

Did you know that Dog Heaven and Cat Hell were the same place?

Ever wrestle your dog 'til you cum?

We learned sexual technique from our dog. He taught how to beg, and he taught my wife how to roll over and play dead.