Quotes & Jokes about Girlfriends / page 4
My girlfriend just asked me for ten grand because she wants fake tits. I said no, baby. You need fake tits.
It's weird, I never wish anything bad upon anybody, except two or three old girlfriends.
My girlfriend wants to get married. I tell you - I hope she meets somebody nice.
And I don’t want you thinking that my girlfriend is a bad person. She is an amazing woman, the fact that I only have seven stories about her in eight years, says a lot. You know, don’t get me wrong, five of them happened this year, but that’s still way below the bar, you know what I am saying.
I thought my girlfriend told me I was her soul mate, but what she said was 'cell mate.'
My roommate in LA used to punch his girlfriend in the stomach. I could never believe what a bitch she was.
And then I realized I was being checked out by guys! And I know they were checking me out, because they were looking at me like I look at tacos. And I thought to myself, "Oh my god, I can turn on a man! Shoot!" And I called my girlfriend, and I said, "Baby, you better not mess this up; I have options!"
First of all never buy a man a plasma TV until youre married. A lot of men once they have a plasma TV they don't need a girlfriend.
Man, what a rough night I had. My inflatable girlfriend ran off with my air matress.
My girlfriend is pregnant. But we've already decided to give it up for abduction.
She got really mad a month ago, because she had e-mailed me a naked picture of herself - which is a nice thing to do - but then I messed up, and I accidentally forwarded that e-mail to both of my parents. Now, my girlfriend is furious, mortified, but I don't even care, 'cause now I have to call up my mother and say 'Mom, I am so sorry - that picture was just for dad.'
I’m a stand up comic and I always sit and slouch, and I got my girlfriend pregnant on my sterile uncles pull-out couch.
I like my mom's cooking a little better than my girlfriend's. But I don't tell my girlfriend that. I tell my girlfriend her cooking sucks.