Stand-Up Comedians' Quotes and Jokes about Hockey

9 quotes

Women can do anything men can do… except math, chess, running, jumping, lifting stuff, fixing things, making money, hockey, surfing, driving, making decisions, being tall, taking out the garbage, tipping, fishing, being funny on purpose, reading a map, listening to good bands, writing, running the country, inventing anything important, or being fun to hang out with. Don’t get me wrong, I love women, I just think they should drink from a separate water fountain.

I went to a fight the other night, and a hockey game broke out.

He knows all the golf lingo. You know? You hit your ball, he's like "there's a golf shot. That's a golf shot." Well of course it's a golf shot; I just hit a golf ball. You don't see Gretzky skating around going "there's a hockey shot, that's a hockey shot."

May your only son become a goalie on a nudist hockey team.

Boxing is a more sophisticated form of hockey.

I’ve got a hockey record, I took off my skate and tried to stab a guy, I’m the only person who ever tried that.

I am addicted to hockey now. I've seen it on TV, but to be there? I had no idea that white people were having so much fun without me.

Why doesn't the fattest man in the world become a hockey goalie?

Why doesn’t the fattest man in the world become a hockey goalie?