Comedy Quotes & Jokes / page 1019
They debated NAFTA for a long time: should we sign it or not? Either way the people get fucked. Trade always exists for the traders. Anytime you hear businessmen debating “which policy is better for America,” - don’t bend over.
That's a vicious rumour! A rumour started by a few million people.
A sense of humor is good for you. Have you ever heard of a laughing hyena with heart burn?
With a cheery delicacy she divided my obsessions into three categories: acceptable, unacceptable, and hilarious.
If a man is really into you, nothing will stop him from being with you - including a fear of intimacy.
There will be select instances where the consumer is interested in paying for premium content. I think it will be difficult to get people to pay for something on the Internet that they can find elsewhere on the Internet for free.
Don't let's someone walk all over you unless you're into that kind of thing.
We should fight to preserve a country where people such as Michael Moore get to miss the point as badly as he misses it. Michael Moore represents everything I detest in a human being.
Never play peekaboo with a child on a long plane trip. There’s no end to the game. Finally I grabbed him by the bib and said, “Look, it’s always gonna be me!”
I have to stop crying when I watch "The View". It's not because of the topics at hand, I just feel sorry for that couch.
Christina Aguilera finally announced her pregnancy. Thanks for waiting until your third trimester to get the word out - why not just wait until you’re crowning?
I am the Saudi Arabia of unhappiness. I have so many reserves of misery that you wouldn't understand. I actually think that's part of why I connect with Canadians. I think they understand grinding misery underneath.
Maybe everyone doesn't deserve a second chance. If I can be perfect why can't you?