Comedy Quotes & Jokes / page 1018

TLC should stand for Toddlers, Lunatics, and Cake.

Every vice is already a punishment in itself... you don't need a ticket on top of it.

The normal make a living, the deranged make history.

When I look up at the clouds I see so many animals, mostly sheep who have lost their limbs and heads.

I went into a French restaraunt and asked the waiter, 'Have you got frog's legs?' He said, 'Yes,' so I said, 'Well hop into the kitchen and get me a cheese sandwich.'

Women! Can't live with 'em, can't live with 'em!

Maybe fear is God's way of saying, "Pay attention, this could be fun".

After seeing Condit last night, we now realize how great a liar Clinton was.

It's the augmented fourth, or diminished fifth, depending on your outlook on life..."

I know that to be a true fact because I read it in Heat magazine

This year I'm a star, but what will I be next year? A black hole?

If it doesn't work, at least it will be an interesting train wreck.

Raised by two mothers... wow, most of us barely survive one.

My films are therapy for my debilitating depression. In institutions people weave baskets. I make films.

What is the speed of dark?