Comedy Quotes & Jokes / page 1020
Anyone who has been to an English public school will always feel comparatively at home in prison.
Then there's the in-between, not a lipstick lesbian, not a butch dyke. I think that is what I'd be, a sweatpants lesbian.
It’s hard to believe that if there is a God, he would want people to stand in the street and shout like maniacs. I think He would choose better qualified people.
Your services might be as useful as a barber’s shop on the steps of a guillotine.
The Cadillac Escalade is the perfect vehicle for a pimp with a growing family.
I was making love to this girl and she started crying. I said, "Are you going to hate yourself in the morning?" She said, "No, I hate myself now."
I knew a girl so ugly, I took her to the top of the Empire State building and planes started to attack her.
The stealth bomber is supposed to be a big deal. It flies in undetected, bombs, then flies away. Hell, I've been doing that all my life.
I'm a bit of a potty mouth. My dad used to wash out my mouth with soap, but that was just to get rid of any traces of his DNA.
If you write the word "monkey" a million times, do you start to think you're Shakespeare?