Comedy Quotes & Jokes / page 1078
She doesn't understand the concept of Roman numerals. She thought we just fought in world war eleven.
You might be a redneck if your Momma would rather go the racetrack than the Kennedy Center.
I've always been a hypochondriac. As a little boy, I'd eat my M & M's one by one with a glass of water.
She was so ugly that when I bent down to pet her cat it turned out to be the hair on her legs.
Why did we get together? Because God wanted us to do it. We were just trying to do what God wants us to do. We didn't feel like we had much of a choice.
One thing you never hear is "Man that guy is good at badminton."
The other guys are selling certainty. Not me. I'm on the corner with doubt.
Today I saw a guy who looked like me in a funhouse mirror. He looked at me like, "Hey, that's how I look reflected in the pond!"
In this country, a smart leader is suspect. That's just the way it is. Even George Bush's father, who was a lot smarter than the son, had to sort of prove that he wasn't that bright.
It's a dream come true to have someone else portray me. Because I've been living this life for a long time, and I'm over myself.
I don't know how long i could be a vet before i got bored and started shagging stuff.