Comedy Quotes & Jokes / page 1078
I wonder if Socrates and Plato took a house on Crete during the summer.
"Where there is a will there is a way" is an old true saying. He who resolves upon doing a thing, by that very resolution often scales the barriers to it, and secures its achievement. To think we are able, is almost to be so - to determine upon attainment is frequently attainment itself.
I like seeing what the comedian thinks is funny, not just what they think I'll think is funny.
I remember the time I was kidnapped and they sent a piece of my finger to my father. He said he wanted more proof.
The dentist drills some more and you hear him make a mistake. And to cover it up, they all say the same thing: "Okay, rinse."
I believe people ought to mate for life... like pigeons or Catholics.
I heard that in relativity theory, space and time are the same thing. Einstein discovered this when he kept showing up three miles late for his meetings.
But I found that disappointing people is a good thing, because disapproval is freedom.
If history repeats itself I'm hopeful that I can get out of it with a note from my shrink.
I think it would be cool if you were writing a ransom note on your computer, if the paper clip popped up and said, 'Looks like you're writing a ransom note. Need help? You should use more forceful language, you'll get more money.'
When I first came out, I thought, I want to walk like a real woman, I don't want to do mincing steps. And there was some girl I saw walking up Holloway Road in Islington who had this long languid walk and I thought, that's what I like, so I incorporated her walk into mine.