Comedy Quotes & Jokes / page 1078
When you're on a movie set and you are hopefully making a comedy, everyone's stifling their laughter. You're looking at the crew guys, hoping someone is making that face like, and not like, this is not working out, man.
I’m always relieved when someone is delivering a eulogy and I realize I’m listening to it.
The plastic knife is perfect for when a person just wants to make some marks on his food and get insanely frustrated at the same time.
They say life begins at 50. Yeah, if you're the fuckin' Highlander.
I wonder if there were any goths in gothic times. They’re like: You look completely appropriate. You don’t look stupid or lonely at all.
Most of the time people feel okay. Probably it’s because at the moment they’re not actually dying.
Is it cynical to assume that anyone smiling is a liar and a criminal?
If the gas pedal on your car is shaped like a bare foot, you might be a redneck.
The hardness of the butter is proportional to the softness of the bread.
A musical is the same as a burlap sack, I would not want to be in either.
So, I play in a band. It's a really underground band. Super underground. Very underground. Like, we don't even actually play.
A conscience is what hurts when all your other parts feel so good.