Comedy Quotes & Jokes / page 1078

Tic Tacs are the maracas of breath mints.

I can remember staring at the orphanage and feeling envy.

We women have to stick together.

And then you've got Lieberman, who is for the war. And thinks the tax cuts could really help. He's basically for people who want to vote for Bush but don't think Bush is Jewish enough.

Now, the magic of British parks at night, as Bill Oddie presents.. Gaywatch.

The key to life is balance, especially if you are on a ledge.

An apology? Bah! Disgusting! Cowardly! Beneath the dignity of any gentleman, however wrong he might be.

I am a dyke! And I'm damn proud of it!

Did you know that the spunge is the household-tool with the most bacteria? See, single guys know this. "Honey, I would like to wash the dishes, but it's just not hygienic."

Light travels faster than sound. Isn't that why people appear bright before you hear them speak?

What happens in improv is you create your own storyline.

Everything that people say is testable.

There's nothing wrong with the word conspiracy. It just means 'to breathe together'.

I could never sit down and write jokes.

We're not laughing at you - we're laughing near you.