Comedy Quotes & Jokes / page 1078
Given human nature, as far as I'm concerned, I think each of us should have a legal option before we are forced to be included in mankind.
I'm willing to write a check for $10,000 if someone can bring to me what I fell is ruining thousands of lives, destroying lives everyday. And I know that you know it's a little thing called Chupacabra.
I reject the idea there are just two sides. I think that with the amount of ideas and thoughts there are, it’s not even going to be consistent with the same person. People can hold liberal and conservative dogma points at the same time. They’re not living their lives via platforms. They’re living their lives. The whole thing is an awfully tired construct.
He released Annie's Boobs. Annie's Boobs could be anywhere. Annie's Boobs could be on the streets
I heard that in relativity theory, space and time are the same thing. Einstein discovered this when he kept showing up three miles late for his meetings.
One nice thing about egotists: they don't talk about other people.
My father said, "Bring along your best girl." This is something you say to a pimp!
If history repeats itself I'm hopeful that I can get out of it with a note from my shrink.
I love when you get boner spam for boner pills and the subject is "Be a better lover". Oh, the boner was the problem on that? That’s why I’m a bad lover? Do you have a pill that’s gonna make me care if she cums? That would be a medical miracle.
I've always got stuff in my head in case I meet somebody like Steven Spielberg or someone like that, where I can hopefully say something to them that nobody else has ever said and get a laugh out of them.
You might be a redneck if you burn your front yard rather than mow it.