Comedy Quotes & Jokes / page 1078
I’ve always had a special place in my heart for old women digging through garbage bins. They saved my life so many times as a baby.
A lovely thing about Christmas is that it’s compulsory, like a thunderstorm, and we all go through it together.
When years from now people look back on today, they will think the same thing they already do but with more reasons for it.
You might be a redneck if... Your only condiment on the dining room table is the economy size bottle of ketchup.
The key to staying together is making sure you guys like each other and need each other.
I want to do another reality show. It's based on The Mole. It's about sexually transmitted diseases. It's called "God, I Hope That's a Mole."
Siamese twins are interesting because they are the only people who can write a biography and an autobiography at the same time.
There is a new bill in the Senate that is upsetting a lot of people. This bill would give the President the power to shut off the Internet. Al Gore is strongly opposed to it. Not because he invented the Internet. Because he did. But because he just signed up for Match.com.
I spend so much time alone that whenever I see my shadow I feel crowded.
I was born in Alabama but I had only lived there a month before I had done everything that there is to do. Even as an infant I was bored and crawled to the state line.