Comedy Quotes & Jokes / page 1078
The plastic knife is perfect for when a person just wants to make some marks on his food and get insanely frustrated at the same time.
I was booked into the Riviera Hotel in Las Vegas with three other comedians. We all were using the Riviera in-house shampoo, so we all had equal shine and bounce.
The catholic church has a lot more money than any Colombian cartel and they leave a lot more bodies in their wake.
Getting rewarded for being pregnant when you’re a teenager? Are you serious? I mean, that makes me want to kill somebody.
Most of the time people feel okay. Probably it’s because at the moment they’re not actually dying.
You might be a redneck if you have been fired from a construction job because of your appearance.
So, I play in a band. It's a really underground band. Super underground. Very underground. Like, we don't even actually play.
Most people that commit to a life of celibacy weren't leaving that much on the table in the first place.
I never give anyone just one congratulation. Congratulations are always plural. They are similar to grapes.
You might be a redneck if three quarters of the clothes you own have logos on them.
The Secret Service has announced it is doubling its protection for John Kerry You can understand why - with two positions on every issue, he has twice as many people mad at him.
When you visualize the recent past, do you see it as being somewhere over on the left?