Comedy Quotes & Jokes / page 1078
Oh, southern rappers... so hard to write a rhyme when you only know 30 words.
I don't have to look up my family tree, because I know that I'm the sap.
You know when you're sitting on a chair and you lean back so you're just on two legs and you lean too far so you almost fall over but at the last second you catch yourself? I feel like that all the time...
I love when you get boner spam for boner pills and the subject is "Be a better lover". Oh, the boner was the problem on that? That’s why I’m a bad lover? Do you have a pill that’s gonna make me care if she cums? That would be a medical miracle.
I was on a phone call with the HSBC and they said when are you gonna pay off this overdraft? I said you know what outside southeast asia its rude to call people up and ask them for money!
Passover is a ritual dinner where we talk about the story of the exodus of the Jews out of Egypt. And we have a service and a meal. Then there’s the sacrifice of a live Christian baby and dessert. My family doesn’t do that, but orthodox…
I can tell how lonely I am by how easily I’m fooled by a mannequin in a store.
I always wanted to be a snake. Every time I saw a snake on TV. I'd always say 'Why not me?'
If God had intended us not to masturbate he would've made our arms shorter.
Mad Cow Disease? I gotta be afraid of fucking cows now? And Canadian cows, I feel like such a puss.
So I got off the plane and I forget to take off my seat-belt and I’m dragging the plane through the terminal... The wings are knocking people over...