Comedy Quotes & Jokes / page 1078
During her pregnancy my mother referred to me as a "wreck-in-progress."
So I got off the plane and I forget to take off my seat-belt and I’m dragging the plane through the terminal... The wings are knocking people over...
Do you remember that kid that had sex with his high school teacher? I was reading online that he died today. He died from hi-fiveing.
In spite of the poor economy, almost 70 percent of Americans occasionally splurge on luxury items - like a blanket on a plane, or a peanut.
Don't smoke pot. Don't bitch. Don't give up. Go on stage anywhere. Try, fail, repeat.
Siamese twins are interesting because they are the only people who can write a biography and an autobiography at the same time.
The catholic church has a lot more money than any Colombian cartel and they leave a lot more bodies in their wake.
I never cheated on my wife. I took seriously those vows of celibacy.
I want to commit a crime during a reenactment, and turn it into an enactment.
If the gas pedal on your car is shaped like a bare foot, you might be a redneck.