Comedy Quotes & Jokes / page 1078
Whenever they show Arabic being spoken on TV, its usually these crazy people in these protests in the Arab world and all of them speaking this really horrish Arabic *arab accent* "Khalikokhu kha.. la la la la la FUCK AMERICA!"
I used to worry about porn. I used to be like, “Oh my god, my man is watching porn. He doesn’t love me.” or like, “He’s not attracted to me. ” Porn is not a threat to our relationships. I like to think about it like this. Guys watching porn is like women watching the Food Network. We’re both watching things we are never going to freakin’ do.
Being a famous print journalist is like being the best-dressed woman on radio.
Why do people do things that they fear? It may be that the fear contains information. Something can be interesting if you get to the other side of that fear.
( Unlikely things for the Queen to include in her Christmas speech ) I've had a few medical problems this year. I'm now so old that my pussy is haunted.
I went out with this girl the other night, she wore this real slinky number...She looked great going down the stairs.
I live in a flat with 3 women, I call it surround sound. I keep the ugly one behind the sofa as a woofer.
I want to leave the world as I entered it: naked and crying in a room full of strangers.
Like it or not, we’re still a primitive tribe ruled by fears, superstition and misinformation.
I've never owned a telescope, but it's something I'm thinking of looking into.
Did you know that the spunge is the household-tool with the most bacteria? See, single guys know this. "Honey, I would like to wash the dishes, but it's just not hygienic."
Suicide is the number one killer of a person who is in a boat and happens to be passing under a bridge at the wrong time.
They’ve bought out a condom now for people with premature ejaculation and they’ve put an anesthetic in the lining that makes you numb and you can last for longer. Or, you can wear it inside out and you don’t have to wake anybody up!