Comedy Quotes & Jokes / page 1088

I ran into Isosceles. He had a great idea for a new triangle!

I’m sorry I didn’t have this revelation earlier. I sleep better and more soundly because I’m not participating anymore.

I've always liked Atlanta. And not just for the strip clubs, but the shopping and the food.

I never forget a face, but in your case I'll be glad to make an exception.

The greatest three seconds in my life was when I fell in love.

If your body is 90% water what have you got to drink water all the time for? Why can't you just have some crisps?

It seems like movies that have heart to them always do well, and they find their audience.

People are like, Hey, Jeff, lemme tell you... I'm like, Hold on, let me get a pen and a piece of paper.

All the crap they tell you about... getting joy and having a kind of wisdom in your golden years - it's all tripe.

You know, it's probably best for Limbaugh because he would have been a minority owner. And once he became a minority, he would have to become a liberal and then he would have hated himself.

Getting worried there might not be enough talent in America to acommodate all these singing shows.

I replaced the headlights in my car with strobe lights, so it looks like I'm the only one moving.

I've never owned a telescope, but it's something I'm thinking of looking into.

The dentist drills some more and you hear him make a mistake. And to cover it up, they all say the same thing: "Okay, rinse."

I am the Walrus, but not the one you’re probably thinking of. I am the other Walrus, the one who is less the Walrus in the sense of legendary music and more the Walrus in the sense of his tendency to lie around in places for too long.