Comedy Quotes & Jokes / page 1102
It may not be in the constitution, but every American has a god-given right to provinciality and ignorance.
He - and if there is a God, I am convinced he is a he, because no woman could or would ever fuck things up this badly.
How come everybody cheers when chicks flash their T&A, but when I pull out my D&Bs, i'm a registered sex offender.
When I finally invent a time machine you will already know about it because I'll have told you a long time ago.
The truth is, you win the Lotto. That's really how you have to approach it. You're a lottery winner when you get a sitcom and it goes.
I was brought up a Catholic, for that you get an "A" level in guilt.
My plan this year is to achieve spiritual enlightenment through ceaseless competition with everything.
Why would these English explorers search for these spices, yet never use them in their food?
His breath is so bad why every time he smokes he blow onion rings.
I'm like President Ford: I can't do two things at once. I can't have intercourse and enjoy myself at the same time.
Gluten free pizza elicits the same response at a hollywood party that a pile of cocaine did in the 80’s
I was nauseous and tingly all over. I was either in love or I had smallpox.
I thinking gay and straight people use the same putters, it's not a matter of putters but a matter of hole selection.