Comedy Quotes & Jokes / page 1103
I'd never consciously left home to see a zombie movie. They were fine by me, but I had no intention of ever being in one. But I've been learning more about it as I've been doing interviews. I didn't even know there were specialist zombie magazines and clubs. I heard the other day that a radio station had asked people if they`d made preparations for an attack by zombies, and a staggering number of people replied yes!
I don't have a photograph, but you can have my footprints. They're upstairs in my socks.
There's a McDonalds in Hong Kong & they're offering couples the opportunity to get married. You can have a McWedding.
How come everybody cheers when chicks flash their T&A, but when I pull out my D&Bs, i'm a registered sex offender.
If everyone in the world sat quietly at the same time, closed their eyes and concentrated as hard as they could on peace and goodwill, all the killing and cruelty in the world would continue. And probably increase.
It seems like movies that have heart to them always do well, and they find their audience.
Valentine's Day is a time to celebrate the joy of being in love. Unless you're single and lonely then it's called Laundry Day.
If you think nobody cares about you, try missing a couple of payments.
Light travels faster than sound. Isn't that why people appear bright before you hear them speak?
Suicide is the number one killer of a person who is in a boat and happens to be passing under a bridge at the wrong time.
It's rare to find a sentence that includes the word "amputate" that also ends with, "he said with a smile".