Comedy Quotes & Jokes / page 1101
A man walks into doctor's office. "What seems to be the problem?" asks the doc. "It's ... um ... well ... I have five penises." replies the man. "Blimey!" says the doctor, "How do your trousers fit?" "Like a glove."
What men say: "I'm sorry, honey. I was wrong." What men think: "I'd love a Chipwich. I should go get one."
Everyone gets their rough day. No one gets a free ride. Today so far, I had a good day. I got a dial tone.
I'm a heroine addict. I need to have sex with women who have saved someone's life.
When you're born, you're pure. Unspoiled and trusting. I believed everything and everyone. Then, I met my parents!
And now the really difficult part: We have to rebuild Iraq into a strong and independent nation that will one day hate the United States.
You may be a redneck if... you have spent more on your pickup truck than on your education.
You might be a redneck if your soap on a rope doubles as an air freshener.
You know, if you're an American and you're born at this time in history especially, you're lucky. We all are. We won the world history Powerball lottery.