Comedy Quotes & Jokes / page 1101
There’s nothing like a string of Xmas lights inside the house to make the whole family feel like they live in a vintage clothing store.
I was just thinking how unfortunate it'd be to be a fat girl named Candy.
A federal grand jury is investigating allegations that David Copperfield raped, assaulted and threatened a woman he took to his private island in the Bahamas in July. What happened to the good old days when a guy would just saw you in half?
Count your blessings, but not out-loud, at the top of your lungs.
We need more people speaking out. This country is not overrun with rebels and free thinkers. It's overrun with sheep and conformists.
Most comedy is based on getting a laugh at somebody else's expense. And I find that that's just a form of bullying in a major way. So I want to be an example that you can be funny and be kind, and make people laugh without hurting somebody else's feelings.
You might be a redneck if you've ever shot a deer from inside your house.
We always have creepy people around, a creepy individual, and it starts off when we're young-uns; when we're young-uns there's a creepy person. Back in school, back in the day, which by the way, I don't know if you knew this, was a Wednesday. Thats a little fun fact. Yeah, when you refer to "back in the day" it's a Wednesday. Take that home, chew it, it's delicious.
My watch is three hours fast, and I can't fix it. So I'm going to move to New York.
I had a friend who was a clown. When he died, all his friends went to the funeral in one car.
There’s a need to perfect things in a writers’ room, and that can take a lot of fun out of a show sometimes. It’s a struggle. It depends on your personality. Some people love working with a writing staff. I had a great writing staff on Lucky Louie, but it sometimes felt like Congress or something.
And for the record, all marriages are same sex marriages. You get married, and every night, it's the same sex.