Comedy Quotes & Jokes / page 1130
One nice thing about egotists: they don't talk about other people.
I have fun acting, and I want to do more of it, and I want to direct my own movie.
Sometimes, when you get a girl pregnant, you blame the condom. His condom broke that night.
You might be a redneck if there is a wasp nest in your living room.
The vice-president of an advertising agency is a bit of executive fungus that forms on a desk that has been exposed to conference.
I would imagine that not having any potential could be less difficult than not fulfilling it.
This is how youre supposed to feel every day. This is what I should have felt like my whole life! I always thought I was going to die before I was 60. My father died of a heart attack in his 40s. Im not an idiot. The writing was on the wall.
There's this whole post-modern, nuevo beatnik, retro-bohemian thing going on, you know what I mean? You walk into some coffee shops, and it feels like you're an ex-patriot in Paris in the 20s. You're like, 'Hey, isn't that a young Ernest Hemingway over there? Yeah, I think it is! Hey, let's go have a look and see what he's writing... It's a Gap application.'
I feel bad for people who've never been addicted to anything. Cause they're the real losers. You wanna know why? Cause they don't know what it's like to really want something. And get it. Again and again and again, until they're sick and have to stop. That's passion.
Always think twice before asking anything of anyone that ends in the words, "on your face."
It's good that people don't like you. That's good. It means that you are doing something interesting.
It cannot be easy being a Muslim in America at the moment.... For instance, there are some people in America that cannot tell the difference between Muslims -- of which there are hundreds of millions -- and terrorists. Now, just think for a second about quite how offensive that is. That's like if the Muslim world could not differentiate between American people and professional baseball players.