Comedy Quotes & Jokes / page 1130
Sometimes they would just pay me to stay home and not do anything else, which sounds fantastic but doesn't do much for your ego. Its probably a little like getting alimony-the money is nice but has a nasty aftertaste.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you look up and realize that you're one of those people you see on the train talking to themselves?
It's a historical thing, up to the 19th century the English hated the French. Then in the 20th century the English started to hate the Germans - as we began to move alphabetically through the map of the world. Now, the year 2000, we are fine with the Germans… but the Hungarians are pissing us off.
At the moment it's just a Notion, but with a bit of backing I think I could turn it into Concept, and then an Idea.
He doesn't understand the subtleties of slights and pains, that it is not the big events that hurt the most but rather the smallest questionable shift in tone at the end of a spoken word that can plow most deeply into the heart.
Do you ever do something, and then think to yourself: That's So Raven?
I do not have a helmet. But this is a wig, so it's a little protective.
Just think, right now as you read this, some guy somewhere is gettin’ ready to hang himself.
I think the people I talk about are generally so stupid that they don’t even know I’m saying bad things about them. I've run into Paris Hilton and she’s like, "Oh, I love your show." And I’m like, "You can’t love my show if you can hear."
Life is like The Muppet Show, but instead of Muppets there's anxiety.
In an effort to look cool, I am going to stop shouting "Hey, you!" at airplanes.