Comedy Quotes & Jokes / page 1130
When I was born the doctor took one look at my face, turned me over and said, Look... twins!
As hard as I try to live with some degree of faith in my life, I just can't believe that the full moon can turn dude into a wolf.
Quite a nasty piece of work. Not the sort of person you'd want to have dinner with.
Do you know what writing a book is? It's sitting alone in a room for weeks without making contact with another human. I felt like Howard Hughes.
Superheroes. Because we needed something to make regular heroes feel shitty.
My mother loved children -- she would have given anything if I had been one.
New synonyms for sex: ""Going to a family function," "getting the hard part over with," "anti-fillet." Get it? Sex!
I once went out with this girl, she was no bargain either, she showed up with pigtails under her arms.
They got a character on there named Oscar, they treat this guy like shit the entire show. They judge him right in his face, "Oscar you are so mean! Isn't he kids?", "Yeah Oscar! Your a grouch!", its like "BITCH! I LIVE IN A FUCKING TRASHCAN!"
This bloke was so pissed, he thought his vomit had come to life!
Easiest job in the world of course, Australian psychiatrist, “Gday Gday how you doing no worries next”.